Red

44

"Tris, darling, it's okay. Don't cry," Van says. He starts to move closer to me. I back away in response.

"Uh-uh," I say, shaking my head, making Van stop. I look up at him, and immediately regret doing so. Van doesn't cry, he isn't weak like I am, but his sorrow filled eyes and the way his mouth was closed with his jaw tightly clenched were enough to make more tears fall.

"How can I convince you?" Van says, the words came out quickly, like he was desperate to fix whatever sort of relationship we had prior to this morning.

I shrug my shoulders. As much as he did, I wished I could answer that question. But there was nothing Van could do to change how I felt, it was as simple as that.

"Give me an answer, baby," he says, pushing it a little more.

"I just...I..." I start a sentence that I couldn't finish. There was still no answer. "No, Van...what?" I ask while shaking my head. I was confused and even a little bit annoyed. "What are you trying to do?" I run my fingers through my hair to get it out of my face.

"What do you mean?" He asks. Now he was confused too.

"I mean that you...you don't make any sense. And...and you're just mean to me at one moment and nice the next...I don't get it. Just pick one," I say. There were no tears left for me to cry, but I was still flustered. I'm sure my cheeks were splotchy with hues of red.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I do it only because I want to protect y-" Van starts explaining himself, but I cut him off before he can finish.

"No you don't!" I practically scream. I only drop my voice at the end so no one else would get concerned as to what's going on back here. I hated when Van excused his rudeness by saying he wants to protect me. He says it every time and I still don't believe it.

Van looked taken aback at my boldness. I have never yelled at him before, and I honestly don't ever want to do it again. I don't like being the mean guy. A sense of guilt washed over me. I shouldn't lash out at him, even if it does with me sometimes. Every few seconds I look up at Van's face, waiting for a response, but I always end up having to look away. I can't stand to see him upset, especially when I'm the reason why.

"Tris..." Van says my name. He was calm, but I could tell he was trying his best not to yell at me too. "I always want to protect-"

Again, I cut him off. "No, you don't," I say, my voice much quieter. "You say you want to protect everyone but you're only mean to me. If you don't like me then you'd let me be." I stand up and start to walk away.

"Tris, wait," I hear Van sigh. He gets up and rushes toward me, grabbing my wrist before I can walk too far.

"Get off, Van," I say, pushing his arm. He only loosens his grip a little. If I started to walk away his grip would get tighter.

"Sit down," Van says, his eyes pleading with my own. "Give me a chance."

"I just did give you a chance," I say, rolling my eyes. At this point, I wasn't even afraid of making him mad. He wouldn't risk pushing me further away than he already has. Part of me was still attached to him, but he didn't know that, and I had no intentions of telling him that.

"Tris, just listen to me, won't you?" Van says, his fingers still locked around my wrist.

"I just did, Van!" I say, kicking my foot into the sand, out of aggression. Some sand hits Van's leg, but he didn't bother to brush it off.