Red

49

TRIS'S POV

Van's eyes wander up and down my face, eventually settling on my lips which I could feel quivering. It was like I was nervous, but I wasn't. Van didn't make me nervous, but he made me feel different, I felt excited around him. I bite my lip, hoping he wouldn't be able to see his effect on me.

His eyes break away from my lips and he looks back at my eyes. "Do I have to remind you about that lip again?" Van asks sarcastically, emphasizing the word 'again.' He had a smirk on his face that made me want to not do as he told me, but I ended up following his rule this time.

"Uh uh," I say and let my bottom lip go.

He brings his hand up to the side of my face, his thumb sliding over my bottom lip, his eyes still focused on mine. "Good girl," he says in a low, teasing voice. I blink a few times and look around without moving my head, feeling insecure having Van this close to me.

"I know you're hurting, love. I know how important family is," he says, his entire attitude shifting. He had this pity in his voice that made me feel bad. I act like I'm the only one who's upset about this, yet Van hasn't seen his family in ages as well. He shouldn't have to feel sorry for me because I was going through the same thing that everyone else was going through too. I was being overdramatic, as usual.

"But please don't think you don't have family here. You've got Bondy and Sam who both love having you around," he says. "And you've got me...and you know how hard it is to get rid of me, huh?" He adds, giving me a cocky smile that he knew would ease the tension, that would make talking about family, something I didn't feel like I had anymore, much easier.

I smile shyly back at him and nod my head. I never really thought of Van, or anyone else, as family before, besides my parents and sister. Thinking of him as part of my family felt weird, but it didn't feel wrong. I've always heard people saying "family doesn't have to be blood," but I never listened, I never thought I would have to. But I understand now. Because Van feels like family, Van feels like someone I can trust, someone to talk to.

"Good. And I'm not going anywhere, Tris. I love you just a little too much to let you go," he says, kissing the tip of my nose before leaning his head back on the wall of the plane.

I wanted to believe him because it really did feel like he cared about me in the moment. But he would soon find a reason to get mad at me, like he always does, and then it would be hard to believe in his love again.

"How do you know you love me?" I ask, my voice a timid whisper. I felt stupid, a little childish, for asking a question about love. Love isn't supposed to be confusing, yet here I am completely clueless and asking dumb questions that Van probably didn't even know how to answer.

Van smiles. "Well, I think I knew I felt something for you when I saw you still on the plane after the crash...it was something about how I knew family meant the world to you when you were sitting with your sister. And whatever I was feeling for you then just slowly developed into the love I have for you now," he explains. "But I can't describe what love is like. Love is different, it can't be compared to something else. You're going to have to define love yourself."

Van's eyes wander back down to my lips. "And, Tris. You'll know when you're in love. You won't need to ask yourself, you'll just know when you find the right person. Promise," he adds.

I watch his eyes cloud over with something that looked like sadness. He lets out a sigh and shakes his head, making me feel bad. I don't know what was making him sad, I didn't know what I did wrong, but he seemed upset now. And I was the only one here who could make him upset.