Red

55

Van pulls my shorts back on for me and lifts me up. His hands hold my shoulders and he turns me around, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him, so I stare down at my feet.

"Tris," he says. "Look up at me, not at the ground." One of his hands was still on my shoulder and he gives it a gentle squeeze, encouraging me.

I look up at his chest, not his face where he wanted me to look, and he chuckles. "I meant my eyes, sweetie," he says, kneeling down so I had to look at him. "But that'll do."

He pushes my hair that covered my face behind my ears so he could more clearly see my eyes, but it also allowed him to see the pink tint still on my face, I was still embarrassed.

I shuffle my feet, feeling insecure as Van looks at me, his eyes analyzing my face, leading me to trip and stumble backwards. Thankfully, Van reacts quickly enough to catch me.

"I've got you," he says, one hand supporting my lower back and the other on my upper back. "You're still nervous, aren't you?" His voice was a whisper.

I open my mouth, about to speak, about to tell him I was still nervous, but then I shake my head no. I didn't want to answer him.

I didn't want Van to see me as a weak person, I wanted to seem confident like he was. Because a confident person like him could never love a nervous wreck like me.

"Tris," Van sighs. "There's no need to hide your thoughts from me. You know that. Now, tell me how you feel, would you?"

"I...I feel scared," I sheepishly admit. I bring my hand up to my mouth and suck on my thumb, part of me expecting Van to tell me to stop.

But he doesn't.

Van nods his head and watches my mouth. "I know, I know you do," he says. He plays with the ends of my hair, twirling it around his fingers. "But I have to start being a little stricter with you. The last thing I want is for you to be in Mike's hands where he could really hurt you again. I hate that he even had the chance to lay his eyes on you, love, and I can't risk it anymore, I just can't."

I nod my head, understanding. "Ok," I whisper, hoping to hide how ashamed I still was about leaving the beach without his permission.

"And, Tris, we're both new at this. Neither of us have had to deal with living on an island, have we?" Van says, his hand finally reaching for my thumb in my mouth. And when he takes it out, he does something I hadn't expected, he put his own thumb in my mouth.

My mouth closes around his finger, and I look up to him with my curious, innocent eyes that I would never be able to hide from him.

"Have we?" He asks once again.

I shake my head.

"Right. So were gonna have to do a little trial and error to see what works out here, sound good?" He says.

I nod my head and pull out from Van's thumb. When I spoke my lips were just close enough to brush against his finger. "Van?" My voice was only a whisper.

"Hmm?" He hums.

I open my mouth to speak and then shake my head, changing my mind, shying away from my question, biting down on my lip and hoping he'd forget I said anything.

Van smiles, a soft, gentle smile. One that I relaxed me just a little. I liked his smile, I liked knowing he wasn't mad at me. "Well, you've gotta tell me now. Gonna be up all night if you leave me hangin," he says, his eyes moving up to my own.

"It's just...I was just wondering i-if..." I trail off, the question leaving my head once again, my eyes wandering away from his face as I lose the little confidence I seemed to have gained when I started speaking.