Red

42

VAN'S POV

I stand outside with Bondy, wanting nothing more than to go back inside and be with Tris, explain to her that I would never hurt her. Her being in there with Sam didn't comfort me in the slightest, not after what he had told me last night. I had to keep reminding myself that Sam was a good person, that I was just jealous.

"Mate, what was going on in there?" Bondy asks me. We walk further from the plane door and stop at the wet sand closer to the ocean to avoid burning our feet on the hot sand.

"I don't know...things got out of hand, Bondy...I got mad," I say, sighing, hating myself for my short temper. I should have known better than to act the way I did, especially after last night. I wasn't thinking at all. I even told her to take her time, that she didn't need to tell me right now, but I made her anyway.

And I did that because I felt like I needed to get her to tell me everything. I wanted her to want to tell me things. The good things,  bad things, funny things, sad things...I wanted to hear it all. And I wanted to be there for her, provide my support, my advice, and just hug her. I want to let her know that whatever it was, I would be right there to support her.

"So what did you do to her? Why did she look like she was fearing for her life?" He questions me again, wanting more detail than what he already knew was true. He knew I was mad, he knew I lost my temper, he wanted to know about Tris, why she looked white as a ghost, why she was sobbing, and why her hands were shaking and her breath was heavy.

"She wasn't listening to me," I say, my voice raising, almost getting angry again, but I drop it back down to a normal volume, realizing I need to control myself.

"I held onto her and was trying to get her to look at me...and she told me that I was just like Mike," I tell him. I pull my hair back out of my face and put my hands on the back of my head. I hated how the words came out of my mouth. It made me sound like a creep, made me sound like Mike, just like Tris had told me.

Bondy shakes his head like he didn't know what to say or do. And I wouldn't be surprised if he slapped me upside the head. Maybe it would knock a little sense into me. "You don't have to take care of her, Van. No one is making you do this but yourself," he finally comes up with a response. His words were dry and they hurt a little.

I didn't like his response because I didn't want it to be true. "Yes, I do," I say, almost matter-of-factly. "She's my responsibility."

"Why?" Bondy asks, making me knit my eyebrows together, only because I didn't like the truthful answer to his question, not because I was confused.

"What do you mean why?" I ask, doing my best to ignore actually giving him an answer. I knew that I would end up telling him everything, though. He was my best friend, he was the only person who could get anything out of me. Nobody gets me like Bondy.

"Why do you have to take care of her? Why can't I? What about Sam? I'm sure he could do it," he says, purposely throwing Sam's name into his statement to make me mad, thinking it might make me talk.

"No," I simply say and shake my head. I hated even just the thought of Tris being taken care of by someone that wasn't me. I would never be able to know if she was okay.

"I know it's a no. But why not?" He asks, a faint smile on his lips, like he knew I was about to admit what he wanted to hear, what I didn't want to tell him.

"Because I care about her, Bondy," I tell him, and it was true. But it wasn't what he wanted from me. He wanted more. He wanted me to say it, but I couldn't.

"Sam or I can take care of her and you can still care about her, Van. And I know you know why, but you won't say it," he says. The smile on his lips fades and he becomes more serious.

"That's all there is to it, Christ sake, Bonds!" I exclaim. "I want her to be safe, and she'll be safe with me."

"Sure, she's safe with you, but she'll be safe with someone else, too," Bondy say. "You don't have to lie to me, mate. I already know. Be a man and say it."

"What is it that you know about me? Because I just told you everything." I tell him. And I hope he somehow doesn't know the truth as to why I need Tris around me. I hope he has some other idea in his head about why I couldn't bear to see her with anyone else, why just thinking about her being alone with Sam in there was killing me.

"I know that you love her," Bondy says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and I hoped it wasn't. But I realized it couldn't be. Tris wouldn't fear me if she knew I loved her.

"What are you going on about?" I ask, crossing my arms, trying to act like he was wrong, like he wasn't able to read me, just like I could with Tris. She got frustrated when I did that with her, and now I understood why. It's like Bondy could search through my brain, pick out anything he wanted, and throw it right back into my face.

Bondy's voice becomes demanding now. "Van, you've seriously got to quit lying to yourself, and to Tris. It's not fair to her. Tell her you love her because that's clearly not what she thinks right now. You are scaring the shit out of her, mate. And for what?" He says, his arms moving as he spoke for emphasis. He waits for my response, but I have none.

So he continues. "Is it so you don't have to let her know that you're not an emotionless person, that you can be vulnerable around someone? That you're not the big, strong man that you try to always be? Because she doesn't need someone like that, and she certainly doesn't like someone like that, Van. You saw her face in there...If you can't accept the fact that you love her, if you want to keep toying around with her emotions like that, then I don't think you should be around her at all. Because she doesn't deserve to be scared of someone, let alone scared of someone she's supposed to trust," he says, catching his breath at the end and looking me in the eyes.

All I can do is nod my head once I process everything he just said. I don't say anything. Bondy was right and I couldn't argue. I've been trying to protect Tris this whole time, keep her to myself, and I never realized how scared she must feel, how trapped she must feel.

Bondy realizes that I have nothing to say and when he speaks again, his voice is softer. "Van, sorry that was harsh," he sighs. "I know you're a good lad, I do. But you gotta show that to Tris, too. You need to prove to her that you love her...don't even try to argue with me that you don't." He smirks at the end, one of his signature, crooked smirks that made me roll my eyes.

I look up at the sky and then back to Bondy, who was still wearing his smirk confidently, which made me chuckle. He knew he was right.

"I do love her, Bonds. I love her so, so much."