Thank you, Kelley

Chapter 36

Meghan's POV:

I'm pulled awake by someone touching my back. I am suddenly very much awake. My body moves without my control. In fast motion, my arm and hand collide with Kelley's face.

Oh shit. No. No. That did not just happen. Where am I? Ahhh

I can feel my breathing picking up. Kelley has her hands covering her face. As she moves one I can see blood dripping onto her hand.

Again my body takes over and suddenly I've run up to my room. The door slams shut as I collapse against it.

Fuck. Why do I always have to screw everything up? It was going so well. I could finally see myself being happy. But now I have gone and screwed it up again.

Kelley's POV:

I'm in shock. I don't really know what just happened. My hands cover my face. I move one slightly and blood drips out onto it. Oo that's not good. Then I hear footsteps take off away from me.

"Wait..." but it's too late I hear her door slam shut. Fuck. Not good. New footsteps came towards me.

"Oh shit. What happened."

"I don't know. I think I startled her. She just kind of swung at me. Not even her fist though just kind of her arm." Becky leads me to the kitchen sink and helps me clean up some of the blood. I grab a few paper towels and we make our way up to her room.

"Shit Bec. She is probably freaking out. Like when this happened with Emily." Becky hums in response as we approach her door.

I knock quietly.

"Meghan? It's ok. I'm ok. It was an accident. Can I come in?" I don't hear a reply. Shit.

Becky tries the door but it won't budge.

"I think she's sitting in front of it.' She says quietly. Uhh... crap. I sit down on the floor.

"Meghan? Can you just tell me you're not hurt, please? I need to hear your voice."

"I hurt you, Kelley." I hear her say just above a whisper which is followed by a sob.

"No, you didn't Meghan. I promise. It's just a bloody nose. It doesn't even hurt. Please trust me." I get no response to this.

"I know I startled you. It's not your fault, ok?"

Meghan's POV:

I am crumpled against the door of my room. "I know I startled you. It's not your fault, ok?" comes through the door from Kelley.

There is a battle going on in my head. Thoughts of the events that just occurred. Kelley talking to me. My past. My ex hurting me. Greg hurting me. It was always worse If I fought back.

"Please just open the door, Meghan. I just want to help you." I hear her say and I can tell she is upset. AHHH...

I know in my mind that she isn't going to hurt me but memories flow through my brain. Somehow I manage to get up and move away from the door so they can open it if they want. I back up. My head is spinning.

I look up and see the door slide open to reveal a sad Kelley and Becky standing behind her.

"Meghan. I'm ok" I look at her and see that her face does in fact look fine. She takes a step forward.

My instincts take over. I take a step back. One hand on my head. One hand out trying to keep her away from me. Memories flash in and out of focus.

Kelley came closer. "It's ok Meghan. I'm not going to hurt you," she says quietly but how can I trust her. What if she's lying. Greg used to.

"No stop. Get away from me." I scream. Even as it comes out of my mouth it doesn't sound like it's even me. I back up even farther but my back hits the wall on the other side of the room. Kelley advances on me.

"Please Meghan let me help you."

"No stop" AHH what is going on. Greg approaches me and pulls back his fist for the punch. I feel my legs give out from under me. But someone catches me before I hit the ground.

"Hey shh... It's ok. I've got you. I'm not going to hurt you, Meghan. You're safe."

Somehow my brain came back to reality. I felt Kelley holding me close to her chest. Her hand stroked my hair.

"I'm sorry." I sob out.

"No. It's not your fault. Any of it... I'm just glad you are ok."

We sit like this for a while. God, I hate this. I literally have a panic attack every two seconds. It's like now that I am in a safe environment my body has decided it can deal with all the side effects now. When I was back home I never had many. I guess my body knew it wasn't safe to break down then so it didn't. I feel so weak and helpless. And angry too. I mean all Kelly did was try to wake me up and I tried to take her out. And then broke down.

Becky walks into the room with three plates.

"I thought we could just have a little picnic up here." She says with a soft smile.

"Thank you, Becky," I say softly. I move out of Kelley's arms and we eat sitting right there on the floor of my room. After a few minutes of silence, we fall into a comfortable conversation. Thankfully we don't talk about what just happened.

Soon enough we finished our food and Becky took out the plates for us. I climb into my bed not tired to even bother doing my nighttime routine. I feel the bed dip next to me and I open my eyes. Kelley's sad eyes look back at me.

"I'm really sorry Kelley."

"I know you are." She pulls me into her. "But I want you to know it's not your fault. And it doesn't change the fact that I love you."

"Mm, I love you too. Thank you for everything."

"Of course. Now get some sleep ok. I know you are exhausted."

"Night." is all I manage before closing my eyes and falling asleep.