Monarch High: War of the Brats

CHAPTER 36

The relationship Cal and I have is beyond perilous. Alam ko iyon at iyon ang iniisip ko simula bago ako nagdesisyon na pumayag sa kagustuhan nya. It was a stupid move, but there's always the feeling of power by receiving love from someone after a long time. I have been with different guys, sa aming apat, ako ang pinakamaraming boyfriends, the rest of them remained no boyfriend since birth. Sa lahat ng iyon, ako ang nakikipag-break sa hindi ko malamang dahilan... siguro dahil mabilis akong magsawa. Mabilis akong mawalan ng gana sa ibang bagay, thus leaving me all alone. There's no permanent things for me, lahat inaabandona ko kaagad.

Maybe I was insatiate. Maybe I was never satisfied with anything or anyone. I'm hard to please, and I can't make things constant and permanent. I was indecisive. I was a walking uncertainty. Kahit ngayon na nakatalikod si Gina at naglalakad palayo sa akin, gusto kong bawiin sa kanya ang lahat ng mga sinabi ko. Kaya kong gawin yun dahil alam kong bawal ang ginagawa namin. I could tell right on her face that I wasn't serious with Cal... Pero ayokong magsinungaling. Sa kanila. Kay Cal at sa sarili ko.

They were the only permanent people who stayed with me for years. Si Cal? I intend to keep him with me for as long as possible.

Pero sa mga nangyayari ngayon, under these circumstances where Gina knew about our relationship, where the rules are the one controlling us, and as long as we're here inside this school... isa lang ang kahahantungan namin ni Cal. If we'd stand and remain tied with each other... worst is waiting to happen. At ayokong mangyari iyon.

Pinahid ko ang mga luha ko bago hinarap si Cal na papalapit sa pwesto ko. He remained serious that it almost made me laugh. Sa nagdaang buwan na kasama ko sya... Mabibilang lang ang mga sandali na ganyan sya kaseryoso... Sometimes, it happens when we're talking about us...

"Are you okay?" tanong nya nang makalapit sya.

I nodded and smiled. "Mag-ingat na tayo sa susunod."

Napalabi sya at nanatiling nakatingin sa akin. Gone the playful expression that's he's always showing whenever he's with me or the gang. Siguro kasi tungkol na ito sa amin.

"What did Gina tell you?"

I shrugged. "Ayon, pinagsabihan ako. Telling me we should stop this."

Hindi sya nagsalita kaya kinuha kong pagkakataon iyon para dugtungan ang mga sinabi ko.

"I was thinking of it, too," ngumiti ako para sabihin nyang hindi ako apektado. His expression didn't change, though. Parang alam nya na na sasabihin ko ito. "We've gone this far, Cal. Sa tingin ko ayos na 'to?"

"Anong ayos na 'to?" kunot-noong tanong nya. "Ayos na ang alin? Na ganito na lang? Na wala tayong gagawin?"

"Ano bang pwede nating gawin?" tanong ko. "Aside from your idea that we will announce that we're in a relationship because that's fucking stupid."

"Then, what would you do? Break-up with me?"

I gasped, gently. This is really hard that I didn't even imagine this when I said yes to him few weeks ago. Naalala ko bigla ang sinabi ni Gina. If they could handle it... maybe we can, right?

"Hurricane and Wynd -

"Please, don't go with that set-up, Mae. That's more stupid," he retorted, cutting me off.

I breathed, sharply. "That's safe."

"Do you even know how stressful that is? Wynd couldn't even hold her! He couldn't even question why the hell Sean and Hurricane were with each other before! It feels like she's single when the truth is, Wynd is dying for her to do something about it!"

"Hindi kasalanan ni Hurricane 'yun! Kung sana una pa lang, hindi na sya nagkagusto at umamin kay Yuri, edi sana walang nangyayaring ganito, Cal. Noon pa man, alam na nating lahat kung gaano kagusto ni Yuri na maging reyna and a single person might threatened what she reached, ano sa tingin mo ang gagawin nya?"