Fool for u

One last performance

Periwinkle had learned three things in the last two hours.

One, when Bard promised them weapons, he was referring to fishing equipment. Pike-hooks, crowbills and whatnot. The dwarves were anything but happy. In fact, they felt insulted. They would not be caught dead fighting with what the bargeman presented them with.

That brings her to the second; the dwarves proved to be very creative when planning a heist. In the same breath, the dwarves also proved to be terrible at performing the said heist. 

At first, the plan was going well. They hid near the armoury until nightfall, the dwarves built a nice and sturdy dwarf-pyramid for the others to climb through the top window, and they actually managed to grab arms full of weapons before Kili fell down the stairs and alerted the whole damn Laketown. Periwinkle only sighed after recalling telling Thorin she and Nori would've managed alone just fine.

And thirdly, the Master of Laketown reminded her an awful lot of the goblin king. They were both built to great proportions, both had parts that bounced and jiggled as they moved, both had this annoying chirping voice, both was disgusting in general, and both their teeth and breaths left Periwinkle sick to the stomach. 

Perhaps they were related? Separated at birth?

She must have muttered that out loud because both Bofur and Nori snorted beside her, covering their mouths with their hands to muffle their snickers.

"What is the meaning of this?" The Master barked when his dinner was disturbed. He came bursting out his door with the rat-man Alfrid on his heels, looking smug as usual.

"We caught 'em stealing weapons, sire," Braga responded curtly.

The Master nodded with a grimace, "Ah. Enemies of the state, then."

"This is a bunch of mercenaries if ever there was, sire." Alfrid grinned wickedly before his eyes landed on Periwinkle. His jaw nearly hit the deck, "You!"

"And you." She said in a beat, crossing her arms over her chest annoyingly, "Small world, isn't it?"

"I thought you were a fisherwoman."

"Just like you thought I was your business?" She quirked a brow, "Hmm, yes, I do recall you stating we could 'work through the night'. Ought to turn you in for sexual harassment."

"That was him?!" Bofur growled before he could stop himself. Ah, so that was Bofur growling underneath the fish.

Periwinkle held up a hand to calm him before addressing the rat-man again, "Just so you know, the only business you ought to focus on is the well-being of the people of Laketown and by the looks of things, you can't even see to your own well-being." She scoffed and shrugged, "Learn to stand up straight and tie your shoelaces before striking up a conversation with a lady in the future."

Alfrid was rendered speechless. He gaped like a fish before giving up on finding a good enough comeback, took a step back and sulked behind the Master. The dwarves wore victorious grins on their faces, chests swelling in pride at their guide's boldness. 

Bofur, despite wanting to shove his mattock up the rat-man's arse, couldn't help but grin a toothy grin at his lass putting that brute in his place. He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her flush against his side, making a clear statement for Alfrid to see.

With the ice broken, Thorin stepped forward and spoke in a deep voice, "We are the dwarves of Erebor. We have come to reclaim our homeland."

The dwarf king's speech was heartwarming and motivational beyond words. He spoke of fleets of boats, silks and gems, and how Laketown used to be the centre of trade years before the dragon attacked. The people were cheering at the end, tired of living a life of poverty and suffering and filled with joy with the promises Thorin made. Promises of wealth and riches.