Fool for u

Domestic adventures

It took some time for both Bofur and Periwinkle to get used to the married life, but they soon found themselves in a comfortable routine that they could easily shake up if they liked. When the mines opened, Bofur would leave the house bright and early in the mornings and wouldn’t arrive until after sunset. That left Periwinkle to occupy herself while she waited for her hubby to come home.
In the beginning, it wasn’t that hard. She was too excited for the so-called housework that came with owning her own house. And although there wasn’t much to clean and do with just the two of them living there, she would sweep the floors twice a day, flop down the bed just to make it again, cook and bake just for the sake of seeing the dishes pile up, and wander around the house and work the garden a bit. Periwinkle was especially proud of growing her own vegetables and herbs after Bilbo told her how. Not to brag about it, but she had a pretty dandy green thumb.
But housework could only entertain one that long. Once Periwinkle grew used to it, she started taking frequent trips to the mountain to visit the rest of the Company. She would drop by the throne room to say hello to her favourite royals, visit the library to see Ori, drink tea with Dori, catch Nori pickpocketing a random dwarf, check up on Oin while he was training new apprentices, visit Gloin and his family, stumble upon Balin in the halls, say hello to Dwalin in the training room, and at last, join Bifur, Bombur, Mór and the small army for lunch and would wait there until Bofur got off from work. Together they would walk to their house where she would relieve him of the day’s labour.
It was safe to say that the large tub was a splendid idea.
One day, Thorin summoned her to the throne room. To her utter surprise, he wanted to speak to her of her fifteenth share of the wealth despite her stating she never wanted the money but rather the adventure. Nonetheless, Thorin didn’t take no for an answer and Periwinkle returned home richer than she has ever been. She spent that whole day wondering what the hell she was supposed to do with all that riches since she never had the need for money.
It also happened that Bofur returned home later that evening after a long day at work. His eyes dropped and even his hat seemed tired, it’s flaps hanging low. Periwinkle waited for him on the porch and could see his shoulders sagging from a distance.
“Rough day?” She asked sympathetically once he reached the house. Bofur only nodded tiredly and leaned his pickaxe beside the door. She gently removed his hat and pulled him flush against her, “Let me make it better.”
“Just the sight of ya makes ev’rythin’ better, lass.” He purred against her and snuggled his head between her breasts - something he was awfully fond of. Lassie-pillows, as he called them.
And despite being tired and worn-out after a whole day of mining, Bofur insisted on helping her cook dinner. They ate in front of the hearth as they did every night before Periwinkle ushered him to the bathroom and into the tub. Of course, she joined him and settled behind him, gently washing his back and massaging his shoulders.
When she told him about her unexpected share of the wealth and not knowing what to do with it, Bofur actually gave her the best idea in the history, “Well, yer good with the little ones. You should start yer own adventure-trainin’-thingy. Teach little ones how to survive, how to hunt, how to set up camp.”
If only he had known how much his idea meant to her.
The very next day Periwinkle took a trip to Dale to have a word with Bard. She showed him the burned-down orphanage, told him how she grew up in it, and shared her thoughts with him. Bard didn’t seem opposed to her idea of restoring the building and renovating it into an ‘Adventure Training for Young Explorers’ institution since the Lakemen never had something like that before they came to Dale. The children would both enjoy and learn from it.
It took a month or two, but Periwinkle could finally open her little institution with beaming pride - although Bofur argued that no one could be more proud of her than him. He was especially flattered that his little idea inspired her so. It wasn’t a week before the people started bringing their children to learn about surviving in the wild. Even Mór and Bombur signed their tots up. Bofur even joked that Periwinkle should have a second building just to fit in all his brother’s children.
Periwinkle’s little business was a massive success. Some days she would teach them how to make fires, how to build tents, how to hunt, how to navigate through the stars, what to pack before a journey, and so forth. Some days she got Dwalin to come to teach them the basics of self-defence, other days she got the princes to ‘demonstrate’ a few pranks to stay occupied during travels. Oin would come and teach them the basics of herbs, medicine, and healing, Ori showed them how to record everything in journals - also throwing a few art and knitting classes in there somewhere, and on rare occasions, Periwinkle could even convince Thorin to drop by and share a few stories with the kids.
Fridays were her favourite. Those were the days she would test the kids and see how much they’ve learned throughout the week. Their parents would be there to join the fun and they would hold little competitions, such as seeing who could start a fire the quickest. It was also the days when Bofur would take time off work to join her and the little ones. After the competitions, they would build an enormous fire and he would entertain them with stories, music and songs. He even taught the children how to dance and soon, all of them were asking when Uncle Bofur would visit them again. And of course, everyone wanted a hat just like his.
“Your nieces and nephews were oddly well-behaved tonight,” Periwinkle said one Friday night after their campfire shenanigans.
“Aye, Mór caught them smearin’ jam and honey on every door handle in the mountain earlier.” Bofur explained with a fond smile as he thought of their little prank, “She threatened to take away their dessert if they didn’t behave.”
“Any child of Bombur would be intimidated by that.” She chuckled and carried their plates to the basin after dinner, “Say, I was really impressed with Tilda’s flower crown at the competition today. Such a shame she gave it to you and not me.”
Bofur snorted as he helped her wash the dishes, “Ain’t my fault I’m the little ones’ favourite.”
Periwinkle gasped dramatically and hit him with the dishcloth, “Only because you always spoil them. Last week you made them all little toy figurines, and the week before that you secretly brought them cookies - don’t look at me like that, I know that was you!”
Bofur doubled over as he laughed, dodging another dishcloth-attack by mere inches. Sometimes his reflexes surprised her since, in a flash, he snaked her arms around her waist and nuzzled his face in her neck, “Ye can’t stay mad at me forever, lass. You know neither o’ us can resist those little faces. I ‘ave to start practicin’ for when we ‘ave our own someday.”
She paused with a plate still in hand, eyes blinking in surprise, “You never mentioned kids until now.”
“I know.” Bofur shrugged and hopped onto the table, his legs dangling above the floor as he thought out loud, “I guess seein’ you with the little ones and spendin’ time with ‘em had me thinkin’ - and wantin’.”
“Wantin’?” She mimicked his accent and quirked a brow. Her hands settled on her hips as she looked at him in question, “And what d’ya s’ppose we do once we ‘ave some, lad?”
“The real question is, lass,” Bofur grinned playfully, pulling her between his legs to wrap his arms around her waist, his fingers lazily running up and down her spine, “how are we plannin’ on gettin’ some?”
“I’m sure Bombur would lend us a few of his.” She giggled. Bofur laughed from his stomach at how true that was. His brother had children to spare, that was for certain. And their fifteenth one was due in any day now.
And indeed, it happened that very next Tuesday. Periwinkle was busy teaching her young adventurers how to make coloured smoke shells when Bifur nearly fell into the institution. At first, the children scurried to hide behind her - they were terribly afraid of Bifur at the beginning, probably thanks to the empty gash in his head and his hard facial features. But once they warmed up to him, Bifur knew no peace. Their favourite activity when he was present, was to make him sit still while they decorated his hair with flower crowns and ribbons.
“Look who came to visit.” Periwinkle snorted at the children’s wide eyes, “Oh, come now, you were just making him flower crowns last week. Why the scary faces?”
But Bifur came with a message, “Mór’s havin’ her fifteenth, ye should come this instant!”
That certainly got Periwinkle’s attention. She had to cut that day’s lessons short and hurriedly followed her cousin-by-marriage to the mountain. Bofur was already waiting in his brother’s kitchen, trying to keep a nervously excited Bombur calm. Oin was currently with Mór as the midwife, and the former’s voice sounded like battle cries as she pushed. They waited what felt like hours, but at last, the shrill crying of a baby filled the house.
“It’s a girl!” Oin announced happily when he came to hand the new addition to her proud father.
Bombur was a snivelling mess and at some point handed his new girl to Periwinkle, waddling off to compose himself. Periwinkle opened her mouth to protest that she never held a baby before until she looked down at the wee thing in her arms - and melted.
That did it.
The big eyes, the dust of light ginger hair, the little sideburns, those chubby cheeks, the wee hands…
Once Bombur returned to take little Ana off her hands, Periwinkle right about grabbed Bofur by the flaps of his hat to look him in the eye, “Let’s do it.”
“Lass?”
“Make a baby. Let’s do it.” She was dead serious, “Let’s go home now and get to work. Don’t look at me like that, let’s go. That’s right, keep walking, the door’s over there…”
Meanwhile, Bifur was only standing there and beholding the whole conversation, eyes wide and blinking awkwardly. He was getting too old for this.
Bofur could hardly wake up for work the next morning, thus running incredibly late once he did leave the comforts of his bed and the arms of his One. Periwinkle threw on one of his shirts as she waited at the door to kiss him goodbye.
But just as he received his kiss and was on his way, Bofur stopped dead in his tracks before rushing back into the house, “Forgot me axe, I’ll just be a moment!”
“So you haven’t forgotten anything else?” Periwinkle double-checked once he stopped before her for another kiss, “You have your pipe?”
Bofur patted his pockets, his brows creasing, “Hang on, I’ll get it.”
And there he went again, running into the house and returning with his pipe.
By then, Periwinkle was leaning against the wall on the porch, utterly amused by him, “Right, do you have everything now? Both arms? Legs? Two ears and a nose?”
“Aye, yes, right, and… oh, wait!” Bofur blanched before growing worried. He patted against his chest before pausing, then calmed down, “Oh, it’s alright, you’ve got my heart. Aye, I’m good to go.”
Utterly flattered by his sweetness, Periwinkle gave him the third goodbye kiss before watching him march off to work with a smile on her face. However, it wasn’t two minutes before Bofur came rushing back with a panicked ‘I forgot me lunch!’ Perhaps she didn’t think it through enough when she kept him up all night making babies.
The next few weeks continued as expected; Bofur was mining most of the time, Periwinkle teaching her young adventurers, on Fridays they held their bonfires for the children and anyone who wanted to come along, on Saturdays Bofur helped Bifur at the toy shop and Periwinkle would visit the Company while he was at it, and on Sundays, they could sleep in and have some time to themselves. That was Bofur favourite day, to be exact.
Some days, if she finished teaching the kids early enough, Periwinkle would fetch Bofur at the mines at the end of the day so they could walk home together. And today was one of those days. All difference was that she cancelled her teachings for the day to run an unexpected errand. It only took a few minutes which left her the rest of the day to spend some time with Mór and the kids - especially little Ana, who was a striking image of what she imagined Bombur looked like when he was a babe.
“Poor Bofur.” Mór joked while they were watching the kids play, “He’s stuck with a bunch o’ redheads. His brother, his wife, most of his nieces and nephews…”
“And maybe his son or daughter,” Periwinkle added casually.
Mór nodded fervently to prove her point - and that’s when it clicked. Her eyes widened and her brows nearly flew off her forehead, “You’re expecting?!”
She nodded, her smiling growing by the second.
“Bless my beard, I’m goin’ to be an aunt!” Mór exclaimed and threw her arms around Periwinkle, “Mahal, it took ya two long enough! I was startin’ to think Bofur could only shoot air!”
There was no stopping the snorting laugh that escaped Periwinkle. She had to sit down while the laughing fit lasted while Mór did nothing to ease the coughing at the end. All she seemed to be thinking of was finally becoming an aunt and how her small army would like to have a cousin at last.
Periwinkle left Mór’s around late noon to reach the mines in time to greet Bofur. She patiently waited outside the shaft her hubby was assigned to until she heard his voice echoing from the inside. A small group of dwarves emerged from the dark, no more than fifteen, with Bofur at the front. He probably told them one of his jokes, since they were in hysterics as they approached her.
Once Bofur saw her waiting, his face lit up and announced proudly, “There’s the sun in my sky!” He picked up his pace until they were standing toe-to-toe, “Give us a kiss, lass.”
Periwinkle quirked a brow, her mouth corners twitching up at how he subtly tried showing her off to his buddies. Nonetheless, she cupped his face and planted a generous smooch on his lips. Bofur sighed in bliss and pulled her closer, his own hands resting just above her bottom.
Behind them, his mining buddies whistled and teased, “Get a room, or better, another mountain!”
Bofur only waved them off and smiled up at Periwinkle, “Just the sight of ya puts the wind back in my sails, Amrâlimê. I can work another ten hours on that kiss.”
“Please don’t.” She replied in a beat, “Besides, aren’t you going to give your ankle-biter a kiss?”
“Ankle-biter?” Bofur shook his head in confusion, “Who?”
Periwinkle intertwined their fingers and walked him down the hall, saying casually, “Well, I was thinking if it’s a boy then I get to pick the name, while you get to pick if it’s a girl.”
“Lass, what are ya talkin’ about?”
Periwinkle took his other hand in hers and looked him dead in the eye, “Bofur, you’re going to be a father.”
“I’m pregnant?”
“No, I am.”
“We’re both pregnant?”
Periwinkle sighed and placed both hands on his cheeks, “Bofur, you knocked me up and now we’re going to have a baby.”
Those eyes practically lit up and that smile… Valar, that smile. She lived for that smile. Bofur’s hands gently came to rest on her stomach, his voice sounding climbing a pitch higher when managed to speak, “We are?” She nodded, cheeks flushed. There was no way to put his happiness into words. All he could do was hug her flush against him, smiling into her neck while muttering over and over, “I love ya so much, lass. I love ya so, so much…”