The Great Escape

Kabanata 15

Kabanata 15

Stargazing adventure

That same day, they installed bilevel positive airway pressure (BiPAP) to assist my breathing.

Dra. Feliza told me with all honesty that I was losing control of my diaphragm, the muscles in the chest that help me breathe. Right now, I couldn't breathe on my own and I will need to be on a breathing machine—the CPAP or the BiPAP.

The loss of breathing causes many people with ALS like me to die within three to five years after the diagnosis. And in my state, I might not make it until ten years. My condition is getting worse.

And after the countless tests one and a half year ago, they found out that I have the most common form of ALS. The Sporatic ALS. It affects up to 95% of people with the disease. Sporadic means it happens sometimes without a clear cause.

I was now alone in my room and I was staring at my phone for an hour now.

And as of today, it's been four months since Tamara was discharged from the hospital. Four long months that Ephraim didn't pay me a visit. Not even once.

I shifted my gaze from the phone to the opened glass doors of my room. Six minutes left before the clock strikes at twelve midnight. I still don't know how will I be able to reach him because for the past months, I've been thinking about his offer.

I imagined so many scenarios in my mind and I even talked about this matter to Dra. Feliza and my Mom already. They agreed with my plans because I might not have this chance again.

"Pumayat ka," Kiel commented when he entered my room.

Kanina pa narito ang ibang mga kaibigan ko. Si Kiel lang ang nalate ng dating.

Mayroon pa ring nakakabit sa aking BiPAP kaya hindi ako kumportableng magsalita. And I also know that I'm losing weight because there could be a damage to the muscles that control swallowing. Though a feeding tube can reduce these risks and ensure proper hydration and nutrition, I refused having that method.

Kaya ko pa namang kumain mag-isa. Nakagagalaw pa naman ako pero mas nagiging madalas na ang panghihina ng iba't ibang parte ng katawan ko. Tinawanan ko na lang ang kumento ni Kiel sa akin.

Wala e. I lost my appetite and I often suffer from dehydration.

"K-K-Kumus... K-Kumusta na k-kayo?" I asked as I put my phone down.

"Ha?" It was Calumn this time. "Hindi maintindihan. Ano ulit?"

I felt the tightening feeling inside my chest. I am beginning to have problems in speaking now. I am really not getting any better.

"K-Kumusta n-na k-k-kayo?" I repeated.

"Ah. Ayos naman kami pero hindi ba dapat ikaw ang tinatanong namin niyan? I am worried about you every single day. How are you feeling?"

Gusto ko sanang sagutin iyon pero nahihirapan na akong magsalita. Imbes, inangat ko na lang ang thumb ko bilang sagot. Tumango naman sila at nagsettle sa couch di kalayuan sa kung nasaan ako.

Most people with ALS develop trouble speaking. This usually starts as occasional, mild slurring of words, but becomes more severe. Speech eventually becomes difficult for others to understand, and people with ALS often rely on other communication technologies to communicate.

Soon, if my lips couldn't speak anymore, I think I would have to write everything I need to say on a piece of paper. Or maybe use another method like blinking my eyes or something.

We were all having fun watching hilarious videos on TV when a knock on the door interrupted us. It was past-twelve. Nahinto ang tawanan at sabay-sabay naming nilingon ang direksyon ng pintuan.

The door slowly creaked open and someone I've never seen for a long time came in. I was caught off-guard. My lips parted and my eyes grew wide.

After four long months, he's now back. Four. Long. Months. Na walang paramdam at wala man lang kahit na anong balita tungkol sa kanya.

"Uy, Ephraim!" Bumati si Nox sa kanya na nakipag-high five pa.

While he's dealing with my friends' greetings, his eyes never left me. Those dark brown eyes looking at me intently, making my heart beat crazy. Am I being intimidated by him again?

"It's been a while," he said as he walk towards where I was sitting on. "Have you been well?"

I blinked for a few times. Am I dreaming? Did I long for him so much that I'm starting to imagine things?

Kinurot ko ang sarili para makasiguro. Nang masaktan ako at hindi pa rin nawawala ang pigura na nasa harapan ko, alam ko nang totoo lahat ng nangyayari.

I tried talking but my speech got slurred. Halos hindi na 'yon maintindihan kaya hindi ko na sinubukan pang ituloy. I just sat there, with shock written all over my face, looking at him directly in the eyes.

"Napag-isipan mo na ba ang offer ko sa 'yo noon? I think I'll have to ask for your answer now," he smiled.

Hindi man lang ba siya magso-sorry dahil wala siyang paramdam sa mga nagdaang buwan? O hindi man lang ba siya mage-explain?

Ganoon ba siya na-offend para tumagal ng apat na buwan bago siya magdesisyong magpakita ulit sa akin? Were my words too harsh that he left me all alone for a long time? He left without even saying goodbye, knowing that he was my light during my dark days.

And the four long months were enough to finally decide if I am going to join or refuse his offer. Unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ko habang tumatango.

Soon, my feet will refuse to walk and my hands will refuse to hold. My body will shake all over until I couldn't move a joint at all.

So while I can still feel the warmness and coldness of the road, I want to keep moving. I will walk; I will run with hands wide open. I will visit different places and explore different adventures.

While my feet can still move and while my hands can still hold, I will go. My muscles become weaker day after day and the time will come that I won't have control over them anymore.

While my lungs can still breathe and my lips can still smile, I will spend every moment of my life in bliss. I will do my best to enjoy life, no matter how cruel it is to me. 

Because once my whole body fails, I won't have the same chance again.

Nakapagdesisyon na ako. I am going on a stargazing adventure with Ephraim. And we will pull off an awesome adventure of a lifetime.