The Great Escape

Kabanata 37

Kabanata 37

Accept

"This isn't the confession I dreamt of, or planned to, but I like you, Sera. I really do."

I fell silent after hearing his confession. Though his reason already crossed my mind, I still lost my composure. I felt anxious and cold sweat started forming on my forehead.

Am I suppose to tell what I feel for him as well? Or am I suppose to turn him down? Do I have to tell him I like him too or not?

I don't really know how to handle situations like this. It was my first time experiencing this kind of stuff. I don't know how to react properly.

"I... I don't know what to say..." I honestly told him.

My eyes were twitching and I was getting uneasy. Kahit naman kasi naisip ko na ang posibilidad na ito, hindi ko inasahan na iyon talaga ang rason kung bakit.

If I'm going to reject him before he could even show me how much he likes me, Calumn will surely feel bad about that. Pero hindi naman pwedeng i-take for granted ko na lang ang sitwasyon. Hindi por que may comfort kapag nariyan siya ay gagamitin ko siya dahil nasasaktan ako. Dahil nahihirapan ako sa sitwasyon ko.

Calumn is my friend too, and I treasure him as much as I treasure my other bandmates. He don't deserve to be treated like an option.

He cleared his throat. "You don't have to say anything and you don't have to rush things between us, Sera. I am not requiring you to answer me anytime soon but please, let me show you how much I like you..."

My lips parted as I swallow hard. Was it really the reason behind his good treatments towards me? Was liking and pitying far different from each other?

What if Calumn was just confused that he took pity the wrong way? What if he didn't really like me? And what if he really do like me? What am I suppose to do then?

"Let me prove that what I feel for you is real because you deserve being treated best, Sera."

Parang natutop ang dila ko dahil hindi ako makapagsalita. He was aware of my feelings towards Ephraim. He knows how much I fell in love with the guy who was admitted next door. Calumn saw how hurt I was. Nakita niya ang mga iyon.

"And it's okay if you're healing very slowly. It's okay if you still cry out for the same things..." he gave me a swift smile. "It's okay because the deeper the wound the longer time it takes to heal."

Like what I've been telling myself since then, I don't know if I will really be able to heal every wound. To erase the scars left by him. I don't know if the time will come when
I'm finally ready to open up my heart for him. Until I've forgotten about that guy.

Calumn doesn't deserve a half-hearted love. And it wasn't me who deserves to be treated best. It was him. He was always been selfless towards me. I appreciate every bit of it and I don't exactly know what tomorrow holds for us all.

Natapos ang pag-uusap namin at kinailangan niya nang umalis. Pasado alas nueve nang magpaalam siya sa akin at kay Mommy.

"See you tomorrow."

Aalma pa sana ako pero mabilis niyang nahila ang pinto para maisara. I sighed and stared at the blank concrete wall before me.

Umaga pa lang pero pakiramdam ko, patapos na ang araw. Inaayos ni Mommy ang idinalang mga bulaklak ni Calumn sa mason jar na nasa side table. Nakangisi siya habang ginagawa iyon at alam ko na kaagad ang susunod na mangyayari.