The Great Escape

Kabanata 31

Kabanata 31

Trigger

Nanatili akong nakaupo sa wheelchair at hindi sinubukang tawagan si Psalm kahit kalahating oras na ang lumipas. Madilim na ang kalangitan.

As raindrops pour directly on my skin, with the chilly breeze blowing my hair, tears started pouring from my eyes again. He made me crazy. Ephraim had a way of infuriating me to the highest level of madness and motivating me to just hate him for leaving just like that. But I just couldn't put all the blame on him. Tama lang ito. Dapat lang mangyari ito.

Maybe pity was the reason why he stayed with me all this time. And I was glad I didn't tell him what I feel. I was glad I didn't gain enough courage to be honest with him that night.

At hindi ko alam kung nananadya ba 'yung playlist ng ospital o ganoon lang siguro talaga. The lyrics hit me so hard as I let myself get wet by the pouring rain.

You don't have to love me
You don't have to care as much as I care for you
Just know that I will be right here
Even when you need me

You know you amaze me
With how strong you've gone
You've managed to pick yourself all
Even after it all

I know that it was me who put myself in this position. It was me who misinterpreted his actions, thinking it was something else. It wasn't his fault that I looked so weak. It wasn't his fault that he was obliged to help me out because of my condition. He was just kind and he sympathize with my situation.

Courage where are you?
'Cause Cupid messed it up again
Courage where are you?
'Cause I can't

I don't know how to tell you
Underneath words
But I always have
And I always will

I don't know how to tell you
Even in song
But I always have
And I always will

Even though I tried everything I could to forget about him and remind myself about the lines I should never cross, I still fell for him. Sinubukan kong paalalahanan ang sarili na may sakit ako at hindi ako pwedeng basta na lang sumugal.

I wanted to think about everything that happened between me and Ephraim. Though my tears choked me and the pain crushes my heart, the coldness of the rain somewhat comforted me.

Oh I don't know how to tell you
You've been up in my mind
From the moment I wake till I sleep
For every second, all the time

I don't know how to tell you
It's been you all this time
But I know I'll just mess this up
'Cause I'm way out of line

Though I've been away from him for months without even hearing any explanations, I was wrong when I thought my heart would grow tired as time passes by. I thought I would be able to let go of this feeling because I believed that what I feel isn't that deep. That when he finally walks away, I could finally let him go, too.

It made me question if it's really possible to have this feelings towards a person you just met for a short span of time. And what I feel for him proved me that it exists in this reality. It was possible to love someone this hard you've been with in a short time.

Those moments I shared with him under the pouring rain and the blazing sun; under the countless stars and the majestic moon hanging on it... All the smiles and laughters; all the greetings and farewells; all the happiness and tears; all the food and drink; all the rants and wishes... everything.

All of it will only be kept in each other's memory, a part of our past. A painful one but I wouldn't dare forget. Because even if it hurts me, the memory of him keeps me going. That I was once so happy in his arms, even when it was all because of pity. It kept me sane, somehow.