The Great Escape

Kabanata 13

Kabanata 13

Dead stars

I was catching my breath and my balled fist was above my chest when I entered my room. Kahahatid lang sa akin dito ni Ephraim at hindi pa rin kumakalma itong traydor kong puso.

"Do you like him?"

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang may biglang magsalita. Lumiwanag ang kwarto at tumambad sa akin ang nakangiting si Mariette.

Si Ephraim? Hindi ko siya gusto! Intimidated lang talaga ako.

"No!" I told her as I walk towards my bed.

"No? Kung sino 'yang nasa isip mo, siya ang gusto mo. Wala naman akong sinabing pangalan pero sumagot ka kaagad ng hindi," humalakhak siya. "Si Ephraim 'yan, ano?"

It's late at night and she's here, messing with me. I rolled my eyes. Bakit nga ba kasi si Ephraim kaagad ang naisip ko? Tsk.

"Liking someone isn't a wrong thing, Sera. Why? Are you afraid of what could happen in the future?"

"I said no, Mariette," I retorted.

"You know what?" Mariette spoke, then she put her arm on my shoulders. "You'll never experience the beautiful things that this world has to offer if you will just lock yourself in your comfort zone. You already admitted your feelings towards him so all you have to do is to stand your ground-"

"When did I admit I like him?"

"-so, what if he doesn't like you back? At least you did your part of making him feel you. That you exist and there's someone as beautiful as you who likes him."

I stared at her. Inalis ko ang pagkakaakbay niya sa akin at naupo ako sa kama. Nakabungisngis naman siyang umupo sa stool malapit sa akin habang nakakrus ang parehong braso sa tapat ng kanyang dibdib. Do I really like him?

I want to convince myself that what I feel for him was nothing. That the hammering heart against my chest every time he's near was just normal. That it wasn't something special. But it was--I know it.

But what if I end up liking him so much and my feelings start drowning me, like an unexpected tidal wave? That I just can't do anything but to wait for that wave to hit me because I have fallen really, really hard?

I don't want that day to come that's why I want Mariette to wake me up from my fantasies. Hindi pwede. Ayoko.

"I-I can't."

And I felt as if there was a knot in my chest, making me unable to breathe. I tried gasping for more air because I felt like my lungs has run out of oxygen. And then I released a sigh for realizing that I can't have him in this reality.

How could Ephraim fall for a girl like me? Many beautiful and attractive girls were head over heels for him, that's for certain. There are plenty of them who were much better than a sick girl like me.

Tumayo si Mariette at saka pumamewang sa harapan ko. Nag-angat siya ng isang kilay bago unti-unting ngumisi nang sarkastiko.

"So... you'll just let this moment pass? You might not have this chance again so why don't you grab it? You just have to let him know what you feel! What if it's too late and you can't do that anymore? What if before you could get close to each other, he would engage into a romantic relationship with someone else? I thought you like him? Why can't you make him feel that you do? Fear won't take you anywhere, Sera."

"B-But—"

"If you're going to confess, you should prepare yourself to have the courage to stand your ground. Stop being a coward that hides what she really feels inside. Let him know you. Not everyone has the same chance as you do, Sera. Ephraim is making an effort to be with you and what if he likes you, too? Why are you being this afraid?"