The Great Escape

Kabanata 39

Kabanata 39

Every day

The next months were like a blur. I was bedridden. I couldn't move a single muscle and I couldn't breathe on my own.

My disease advanced. I chose to have a tracheostomy — a surgically created hole at the front of the neck leading to the windpipe (trachea) — for full-time use of a respirator that inflates and deflates my lungs. It was harder to speak now and since ALS is a progressive disease, it gets worse over time.

It affected nerves in my brain and spinal cord that control my muscles. Since my muscles became a lot weaker now, I find it really hard to move even just a bit.

I often have problems with my immune system too. It protects my body from foreign invaders such as bacteria and viruses. In my brain, microglia are the main type of immune cell. They destroy germs and damaged cells.

But because of ALS, microglia might also destroy healthy motor neurons. So basically, I am worse than how I already was six years ago.

Yes, six long years passed without hearing about Ephraim. I am living with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis for eight years now.

It's just another night
And I'm staring at the moon
I saw a shooting star
And thought of you

I sang a lullaby
By the waterside and knew
If you were here,
I'd sing to you

I stare at the night sky that was decorated with countless stars and a half moon above me. Every time I look upon these celestial beings, I still think of him.

I keep on wondering how he is, or if he's now living his best life despite of his illness. I really hope he does.

You're on the other side
As the skyline splits in two
I'm miles away from seeing you
I can see the stars
From America
I wonder, do you see them, too?

When I took my eyes off the night sky, I saw another star that I've never seen for a long time. My heart started beating against my chest and my vision became blurred.

So open your eyes and see
The way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead
Into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home.

"S-Seraiah..."

He spoke of my name as if it would break any moment. Like it was the most vulnerable thing in the world. He was standing before me, a dark grey duffel bag in his left and a huge black luggage behind him.

He was wearing his usual pull-over and jeans, as well as his worn-out chucks. His hair was disheveled and his face looked really tired. Did... Did he came straight to me after the plane landed?

I can hear your heart
On the radio beat
They're playing 'Chasing Cars'
And I thought of us

Back to the time,
You were lying next to me
I looked across and fell in love
So I took your hand

"I'm sorry..." he said breathlessly. "I'm sorry for leaving you. Over and over again when I promised I wouldn't."

Back through lamp lit streets I knew
Everything led back to you
So can you see the stars?
Over Amsterdam
You're the song my heart is
Beating to

I did everything I could to move my head in disapproval. I never blamed him for hurting me. All this time, I held onto the possibility that there's a valid reason behind his actions. That he did what he did because he had no choice back then.