Kabanata 27
Words I wanted to say
We were silent for a while. Ephraim offered to assemble the telescope kaya medyo kumalma ako nang nasa harapan ko na lang siya.
But at the same time, droplets of joy sprinkle in the air, as if there were magic dust coming from the stars above us. I felt the fluttering feeling inside me, strange before but became familiar to me as time pass by.
My eyes were closed but I knew that he's near. I could hear his footsteps tap the floors of my heart and opening its door. I don't know how and I don't know when. I just did.
I fell inlove with Ephraim.
I don't know if it's because of the way roses bloom when he laughs, or how his coffee eyes lock on mine at day or night, or how his thin pinkish lips stretch for a delicate curve. I don't exactly know why but I'm sure of it.
And I might leave anytime, so I can't tell him. But I really do. I love him. With all my heart and with all the hopes I have.
But the fear of leaving him all alone scares me. And being selfish will be the last thing I would do. Ayokong hadlangan siya at bigyan ng false hope. I am not getting any better. I am getting worse.
Ni hindi ko na maigalaw ang mga kamay at paa ko. I'm lucky that I can still talk somehow. That I can still move my head for a nod or shake it when I disapprove.
"All done," he mumbled.
Ilang sandali lang, itinulak na niya ang wheelchair palapit sa telescope. Inalalayan niya ako para makasilip doon at makita nang mas maayos ang mga bituin.
May nakaset up din na mini-speaker sa gilid at tumutugtog ang isang pamilyar na kanta. I smiled when I recognized the song.
Hit the ground, hit the ground, hit the ground, oh oh
Only sound, only sound that you hear is "no"
You never saw it coming
Slipped when you started running
And now you've come undone and I, I, I, I
Seen you fall, seen you crawl on your knees, eh eh
Seen you lost in a crowd, seen your colors fade
Wish I could make it better
Someday you won't remember
This pain you thought would last forever and ever
"Before, I thought sleeping was the best moments in my life. I could dream of everything I want to dream. I can be who I want to be," Ephraim murmured beside me.
Just a shot, just a shot in the dark, oh oh
All you got, all you got are your shattered hopes
They never saw it coming
You hit the ground running
And now you're onto something, I, I, I say
What a sight, what a sight when the light came on
Proved me right, proved me right when you proved them wrong
And in this perfect weather
It's like we don't remember
The rain we thought would last forever and ever
"But I was glad I found you. And because of you, reality is better than my fantasies."
I'll be one of the many saying,
Look at you now, look at you now, now
I'll be one of the many saying,
You made us proud, you made us proud, proud
I'll be one of the many saying,
Look at you now, look at you now, now
I'll be one of the many saying,
You made us proud, you made us proud, proud
My eyes welled up with tears but I immediately blinked them all away as I peek on the telescope.
"You made me so proud, Seraiah. I'm glad you were sharing this wonderful journey with me."
He placed a stool beside me and sat there. Unti-unti akong lumayo sa telescope at dahan-dahan niyang iginiya ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. He slid his left hand on mine and intertwined our fingers.
I couldn't feel the warmth of his touch but I know it was there. Kaya ko pa namang igalaw ang kamay ko pero kaunting-kaunti na lang yon at sobrang hirap.
He was holding my hand and my head was placed on his shoulder. Kung nasa ibang sitwasyon kami, baka sa sobrang saya ko ay gumulong na ako sa damuhan. But because of my condition, I was happy and heart-broken at the same time.
"There you'll stand next to me... All at once, the rest is history... Your eyes' wider than distance...
This life's sweeter than fiction, fiction," he sang. "It's sweeter than fiction..."
Hindi ko sigurado kung may iba bang ibig sabihin ang sinabi niya. Katulad ng kung paano siya noon, it was as if I have to always read between the lines. Na kahit iyong mga walang katuturan ay may nakatagong mensahe sa likod.
Ibig sabihin ba niya, mahilig siyang matulog noon? Malakas siyang matulog kaya home-schooled siya? Probably.
But I also hope that he'll gain victories from the hard battles he never talked about. I hope he would stand firm, like the white lighthouse before us that conquered countless heavy storms. At kung darating 'yung panahon na wala na ako rito para masaksihan pa 'yon, it's okay.
As long as he will remain strong. It's already enough for me.
Slowly, he took my hand and pressed it on his left chest. I was certain I could feel his racing heart beneath his black pull-over.
Nilingon ko siya, nagtataka. He diverted his gaze from the night sky to me and gave me a smile.
"You have my heart," he said, almost a whisper. "You have all of me."
I burst into tears once again. I can't. I just can't tell him. We crossed the line, yes. Pero wala na akong balak na tawirin pa ang mga linyang susunod pa dahil alam ko kung saan papunta 'to. Natatakot akong hindi mapanagutan lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. Lahat ng pangakong gusto kong bitiwan.
Kasi pwede akong mawala anytime. At baka kapag oras ko na, hindi ko pa rin nagagawa ang mga pangakong iyon. That's why I kept my mouth tightly shut as I stare at him with tears rolling down on my cheeks.
Hindi ko alam kung naiintindihan niya ako. Hindi ko alam kung alam niya bang ganoon din ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Pero gusto kong umasa na sana wala siyang alam sa nararamdaman ko dahil wala naman siyang aasahan sa akin. I am losing control over my body and I am going to die soon.
"Even after all your motor neurons die, what I feel for you will never do the same. Your body might deteriorate but you will always have me by your side. Always remember that."
Tumango ako at ibinalik ang pagkakahilig sa balikat niya. Dahan-dahang bumuntong hininga habang bumubuhos ang luha dahil alam ko na.
Batanes was the last place I could visit before my lungs gave out and my feet refused to walk. Batanes was the last place I've seen the countless stars at night before my hands lost control without even reaching the sky.
Batanes became the place where all of my chances to keep moving disappeared in thin air. Batanes became the place where my own body failed me, but the stars didn't. Batanes became the place where the blinking stars above replaced the dimming hope inside me.
Because as I struggle to breathe, I look at the man seated beside me.
Even after the stars failed giving out light in my darkest days, he lit up, replacing the moon. It wasn't me who shine brighter than the stars. It's him. He was the best thing that's ever happened to me, my favorite plot twist, my brightest star.
Before my eyes took rest, I mouthed words I wanted to tell him but I had no courage to do it.
I love you, Ephraim.
Even after my lips refused saying these words before you can actually hear it... I love you.
BINABASA MO ANG
The Great Escape
Teen FictionCOMPLETED. Seraiah was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis and going in and out of the hospital became part of her daily routine. Her days became dull and her condition gets worse each passing day. Until she met Ephraim, the stubborn son o...
