The Great Escape

Kabanata 14

Kabanata 14

Spoiled

"Will you go on a stargazing adventure with me?"

I blinked more than once. Tingin ko'y nasa limang beses akong kumurap dahil sa alok niya.

Stargazing? Adventure? With him?

I mentally face-palmed. Oo nga. Ulit-ulit, Seraiah? Tsk.

"What do you mean?"

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Huh?"

"What do you mean?" Ulit ko. "You want to go on a stargazing adventure with me?"

Tumango siya at hindi na naman ako agad nakasagot. I was surprised by his offer. Though wala namang mali sa tanong niya, hindi ko pa rin inasahan 'yon.

At isa pa, matagal-tagal na rin akong naka-admit dito sa ospital. Kahit na inalis na ang CPAP ko at ibinabalik na lang 'yon kapag matutulog na ako, hindi ba pumasok sa isip niya na baka hindi ako payagan ng doktor? At bakit stargazing adventure ang gusto? Because we love watching the night sky? I think so.

"Bakit?" I asked after a few minutes passed.

"Gusto ko lang," he immediately answered. "Kailangan ba palaging may malalim na rason?"

Hindi naman kailangan ng malalim na rason para magstargazing adventure kami. Pero tulad nga ng binanggit ko, parang hindi posible ang gusto niya.

"Not really." I sighed. "Pwede naman tayong mag-stargazing nang hindi na umaalis pa ng ospital. Like what we're doing right now."

Umiling siya. "Honestly, I want to take you to places where you can see a better picturesque view of the cosmos."

Of course I'd love that. Pero hindi kami pwedeng basta-basta na lang na makalabas ng ospital. We need to seek for my doctor's approval, lalong-lalo na ang approval ni Mommy.

I fell silent. Hindi ako nakapagsalita matapos noon. I couldn't find the right words to say.

"Places where there's a lack of artificial lights that would make the stars shine the brightest," he stated. "Your time is limited, Seraiah. Though some people with ALS can live ten years or more, we'll never know what can happen in the future."

What does he mean by that?

"And on average, death occurs within three to five years after symptoms begin. You were diagnosed with ALS more than one and a half year ago." Uminit ang paligid ng mga mata ko.

Minsan ayoko 'tong side niyang ito.

He's way too honest about what he thinks. He's telling everything that's on his mind without considering the fact that his words could hurt me.

Alam ko naman na maraming pwedeng mangyari. Alam ko rin kung gaano kadelikado ang sakit ko. Kung paanong walang nakaaalam kung hanggang kailan ang itatagal ng katawan ko bago ako tuluyang mabaldado. Alam ko.

Pero sa tuwing sinasabi niya sa akin na pwede akong mamatay ano mang oras, natatakot ako. At nasasaktan din. Kasi paano na lang kung magkatotoo na nga 'yung sinasabi niya? Paano si Mommy? Paano ang mga kaibigan ko? Si Psalm at Mariette?

At paano siya? Wala na siyang mapagtataguan na kwarto kapag nahuhuli siya ng nurse.

Si Mommy? She's about to lose her only daughter. I can only imagine the pain that I will cause once I leave this planet.

Paano si Psalm? Who's going to hold his balled fist to calm him when he's about to burst in anger? Si Mariette? She couldn't even tie her shoes properly and I was the one who do that to her when I was still outside this suffocating place. Sino na lang ang yayakap sa kanya sa pagtulog kapag umiiyak siya sa gabi?