The Great Escape

Kabanata 28

Kabanata 28

So long

Maybe the legend will always remain as a legend.

I wished upon the stars and the jar of a thousand paper cranes to help me get better. I prayed so hard... Pero wala eh. Hindi naging maayos ang lagay ko. Lumala pa.

When I woke up, there was no sign of Ephraim. I can't see him and I was only with my Mom, Psalm and Mariette.

I couldn't move my lips to say the words I wanted to say. I can only twitch my eyes to look around and search for him. Tingin ko'y naintindihan ni Psalm ang gusto kong sabihin kaya siya naglalakad palapit ngayon.

"Wala si Ephraim dito. Kung siya ang hinahanap mo," he said.

Wala? Bakit wala siya rito? Marami pa siyang dapat iexplain sa akin! Bakit hindi natuloy ang stargazing adventure namin? Bakit Batanes lang ang napuntahan namin? Iyon lang ba ang nakalagay sa listahan niya ng mga pupuntahan? Basco?

I need to ask him so many questions on my mind but I don't know where exactly he is right now.

Gusto kong umahon mula sa pagkakahiga at tanungin si Psalm kung bakit wala siya pero hindi ko magawa. Gusto kong tumayo, maglakad, tumakbo para hanapin siya.

Paano kung huli na ang lahat bago siya magpakita sa akin ulit? Paano kung wala na ako? Kasi alam kong malapit na. I overheard their conversation when I regained my conciousness a few hours ago. Hindi ko lang iminulat ang mata ko kaagad.

I know I'm starting to have problems with my memory. Sabi ng doktor, may signs na ako ng dementia. Maybe that's why they were so worried when I asked them if the stargazing adventure was postponed.

Ibig sabihin, lumalala ang kondisyon ko. At hindi malabong madiagnose na rin ako ng frontotemporal dementia, katulad ng ibang ALS patient na kagaya ko.

I was so scared after knowing my real condition. Kapag lumala, mas maraming memories ang makalilimutan ko. At ayokong mangyari iyon.

"Magpahinga ka pa. Iba-biyahe ka na namin pabalik ng Maynila bukas para matignan nang mas magagaling na espesyalista," he said and caressed my hair. "Hang on, Sera. You will eventually get better."

Liar.

I know it was a lie to not make me feel bad. To console me. To try to make me feel a little bit better. But I know. I will never get better. I won't live long. And it's scaring me.

* * *

Everything was like a blur to me. My Mom never left my side while Mariette, Calumn and Psalm's visits became often. Madalas din akong kinakausap ni Dra. Feliza sa kwarto at kung minsan, siya ang nagtutulak sa wheelchair ko kapag gusto kong lumabas.

Dalawang buwan na ang nakalilipas mula nang huling makita ko si Ephraim. He was nowhere to be found. Iyong number niya na hiningi ni Psalm bago siya mawala ay hindi namin ma-contact. 'Cannot be reached', iyon ang laging sagot.

I wonder why he was gone. Sometimes, my thoughts are deeper than the vast oceans and I am drowning from it.

I usually find myself wide awake at night until morning, thinking about what went wrong between me and Ephraim.

Kung narealize niya na ba after so many years that I am not worth of his time? Or if he finally set his priorities in life and I am not included in it anymore? Hindi katulad noong sinabi niya dati na lagi lang siyang nasa tabi ko?