RANDOM CRAP THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR!

Random Crap That Nobody Asked For; The Show

Previously, in Random Crap That Nobody Asked For~

-"I've got some children I need to make into corpses!"

-"Don't call the cops!!"

-"*sirens can be heard from distance*"

-"Dagnabbit."

Now~

In the police station

Jessica: Come on guys, it was just a joke! I wasn't really gonna kill any children! Heh heh... Yeeeaahh..

Gary: Ms. Myers. This is the sixth time we've had to take you in this week.

Jessica: So??

Gary: It's Wednesday.

Jessica: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME-

Allen: *rolls eyes*

Jessica: *looks at camera like on The Office* *makes a "you see this guy??" face*

Gary: *quiets voice* What is she looking at??

Allen: *also quiets voice* I don't know....

Gary and Allen: *backs away slowly..*

Jessica: *goes to little jail cell bed and pulls out chocolate, notebook, and pencil she stashed there* *puts notebook back* *just draws on the walls to annoy Gary*

Jessica: Haha.

Gary: *comes back* Alright Jess you've been bailed ou- *sees full sized manga person drawn on the wall*

Gary: DAMMIT JESSICA WE JUST CLEANED THAT WALL AFTER YESTERDAY, WHERE DO YOU KEEP GETTING PENCILS??

~flashback to last night~

Jessica: *breaks into police station* *sneaks past Jack, the nightshift guy* *avoids all cameras because by now she knows where they all are and how to avoid them* *goes to the single jail cell* *hides chocolate and an extra pencil with the notebook- which she stashed there days ago- under the pillow so it's ready* *takes out loose brick in the wall* *grabs all the candy wrappers that she hid in there so she can throw them out* *fills hole with Milky Way bars and pencils* He he... *sneaks back out and goes home*

~end of flashback~

Gary: WELL???

Jessica: No idea, man. No idea. *takes a bite of the chocolate bar*

Gary: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT??

Jessica: tHe dEmoN gAve iT tO mE

Gary: ???????!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

Jessica: tHe dEmoN iS mE

Gary: *under his breath* God dammit Jess why *goes to unlock cell but is stopped by Jessica*

Jessica: I got this, man. *takes lockpick out from under the bed* *goes up to cell door* *reaches behind bars to out of the cell* *unlocks door with lockpick* *walks out*
Bingo bango
*starts walking down hall*

Gary: YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT THIS WHOLE TIME!?!?!?!?!

Jessica: *takes a bite of chocolate and leaves the station*

later that day~

Jessica: *gets drunk on pizza rolls somehow????* *idk man I'm just the narrator but if anyone could get pizza roll drunk it would probrably be her*

Gary: *pulls her over* Ms. Myers.. are you drunk? You're under age...

Jessica, slurring her words: wHaT, nO!

Gary: .... is that blood?

Jessica: *wipes face* IT'S JAM

Garry: ...... You sure??

Jessica: nOpE!

Gary:

Jessica: *pops pizza roll into her mouth* *somehow manages to get pizza sauce on her face??* *I mean this is the girl who got pizza roll drunk, of course she got it on her face*

Gary: ... Are you... drunk..... on pizza rolls...?

Jessica: mAybEeeEe

Gary:..... wha- how- umm...

Jessica: cAn i gO nOw??

Gary: No, you're, uh, under arrest for driving under the influence

Jessica: bRo cAn yOu eVen dO tHat bRo liKe bRo

Gary: ..... I don't know..

Jessica: weLL gUesS wHat, i'M hAWKeyE anD yOu cAn't aRresT mE unLesS yOu wAnt tO dEaL wItH mY bEstIe, gEndeRbeNt bLacK wIdoW, aKa nAthAnieL rOmANofF

Gary: ......
*radios for backup*

Some time later~

*Allen gets here*

Allen: What seems to be the problem? You mentioned a DUI??

Gary: Ummm... Let me show you... *leads Allen over to Jessica*

Allen: Is.. is she drunk??

Gary: Yeah that's the thing

Jessica: jUst.. jUsT oNe mOre..

Allen: One more what?? Is she high??

Gary: Not exactly... Look.. *gives Jessica one of the pizza rolls he confiscated*

Jessica: yUs dOodS! *eats pizza roll*

Allen: She's.... Pizza Roll drunk??

Gary: umm.. Yeeeeaaahh...??? I don't even know..

Allen: ...How.....???

Gary: I don't know.....??

Allen: Well what do we do?? She's in no condition to drive! And I'm like 98% sure she doesn't have a license!!

Gary: We can't exactly arrest!! I think this is beyond our jurisdiction..

Allen: YOU THINK??

Jessica: gIvE mE pIzzA rOLLs, oR gIve mE dEatH!!!!

Gary: *motions to Jessica*

Allen: What-

Gary: NOW YOU SEE WHAT I'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH-

Allen: ...... Wow..

Jessica: MAMAAAAA OOOOOOOHHHH
I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY
IF I'M NOT BACK AGAIN THIS TIME TOMORROW, CARRY ON, CARRY ON-

Gary: ..... Should we call someone to pick her up??

Jessica: NOTHING REALLY MATTERRRSSS

Allen: LIKE WHO??

Gary: I DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STALKS HER, WHO SHOULD WE CALL??

Allen: I DON'T STALK HER!! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S CONSTANTLY ARRESTING HER AND WHATEVER, WHO ALWAYS BAILS HER OUT???

Jessica: I'M ALSO YELLING!! LOUD NOISES!!!!! BLLLAAAAARRRRGG!!

Allen: .....

Gary: .....

Jessica: ...... *takes out sticky notes* *writes random stuff on them and stick them everywhere, in her purse, dashboard, in her glove box, her face, rearview mirror...I could go on. *

Gary: What are you doing now??

Jessica: hA hA, tHis wiLL reALLy cOnfuSe sObEr jesSicA *writes some Dirty Heads lyrics on a sticky note and puts it in the little compartment in the armrest*
hA hA
*passes out*

Allen: .. Let's just go

Gary: Thank god *heads to his car*

Tune in next time, to Random Crap That Nobody Asked For; The Show~