Ruel Imagines

54. ✿❀✧*

[UNEDITED]

Everyday I still walk along the shoreline. I still miss your silhouette beside me as we watched the sunrise. I wonder how you've been. Do you still miss me? Or am I stuck in the past?

It's been months now, but for me it has felt like an eternity. Eating breakfast without you feels weird still.

I wonder what could have happened if we were in a better headspace when we first met. Maybe if life had let us meet a few years later we would still be together. I always wonder if you're doing better.

I used to call you, even though I knew you wouldn't pick up. Maybe I was calling because I missed the feeling. Maybe I was calling because I missed hearing your voice.

I regret not telling you that I loved you that day. If I had said those three simple words, maybe you wouldn't have fallen out of love.

Maybe in another lifetime we'll end up together. Maybe the other version of me would give you the life you wanted. Until then, I hope I'll see you on the other side.

Did I love you? I'm not sure, but I do know that I loved your presence. It's so weird not having someone next to me.

You told me you'd always stay, and that's where we went wrong. We should never have made those stupid, meaningless promises. You and I were focusing on the future and not realizing that the present is what mattered. Our relationship went too fast, and neither of us had the intention of slowing it down.

You meant a lot to me. At the time you were always the one I would talk to for anything, and hopefully you think the same about me. I miss sharing our clothes and I miss making playlists for you. You always told me how much you liked the music I listened to.

You always told me you loved me but I would never say anything.  To be honest I was never fully ready in our relationship. I rushed into it thinking it would be this perfect relationship that everyone portrays in films and dramas. I never realized how much effort both ends have to put in or else it would crumble.

Even though you made me genuinely happy, I was still scared. It might sound silly to you, but I never gave you all of me in fear that one day I would lose myself. I've finally created a version of myself that I was proud of, and giving myself away was a scary thought.

At first I thought I missed you. It sounded ridiculous to think I only missed the thought and feeling of you, but I never really missed you. I missed the version of you that I created in my head and I missed having a hand to hold. I'm sorry.

In the end I knew I didn't love you cause I let you go too easily. You were falling out of love, but I was never in love. I never really missed you. I never tried hard. We let our relationship die too quickly, with only you making the effort to keep it going. I'm sorry for not trying as hard as I should have. Now I'm here thinking about everything. Maybe I don't regret it, cause you taught me so much, but I sure do miss the thought of you.

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Hey!

How are you? It's been a minute

I plan on (trying) to be more active on here and making more frequent updates. I haven't been motivated to write at all recently and writer's block really sucks.

Anyways I hope you enjoyed this little thing. I purposefully didn't put a certain POV cause it's up to you to decide who's point of view you're reading this from <3

Ily, thank you for reading!!