Ruel Imagines

42. ✿❀✧*

[UNEDITED]

Once you told me you were leaving, I felt as if you took a part of me with you. I told myself that I would never love anyone again. I knew I couldn't ever love someone as much as I have loved you. I still do.

You never seemed to care. Jackie told me you were doing fine without me. You deleted all of our pictures from your instagram. When you did that I realized that this was it. You meant it this time.

Once you left, I felt as if I couldn't do anything anymore. I couldn't live without you.

You promised you wouldn't leave. I gave you my heart and you tore it to a million pieces. You promised.

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. My brain tricked me into believing you left because there was something wrong with me. You told me that you were doing it for you. For a while I thought you were being selfish, but in reality it was me being selfish.

You left because you felt like you needed to. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I let you leave. No matter how far you may be, I'll always be thinking about you.

I didn't realize that while I was asleep, you were breaking down. I'm sorry I didn't wake up and wrap my arms around you. I'm sorry I wasn't aware of what you were feeling. I never wanted to let you go. But you let go of me first.

Once you left, I was still holding onto you. I was holding onto a hope that you'd be back. But holding onto you was like holding onto nothing.

I'm tired of waking up without you. Seeing you on the street kills me. Every time I see you, all I can think about is how your eyes light up when you were excited and how your smile was always so sweet.

The bedsheets still smell of you and your favorite coffee mug was still in the same place you left it. I knew that if I touched it, I would crave your touch. I would crave you being with me again.

I feel powerless without you. You were my first love and my first heartbreak.

I don't know who I was before you came. I forgot about that person, and honestly, I don't want to be that person anymore.

Although this hurts more than anything, I'm forever grateful for being able to call you mine at one point. You choose chose me over everyone else. Life would've been boring without you. I'll always care for you, no matter what.

I know someone will love you again. But will someone ever love me again?

I remember all the stupid love songs we wrote together. You were my lucky person and I was yours. I promised that I would always protect you.

You always made me feel more creative. We would write together, but now I'm writing on my own.

You gave me a feeling I've never felt and I swear I would cross the world just to see you one last time and hold you in my arms.

I wonder if you're wrapped in someone else's arms or if you're sitting in your room crying like I am. I wonder if you're going on midnight adventures with someone else or if you're at home, feeling the lowest you've ever felt like I am.

Although I know you're only a few streets down, it feels as if you're half a world away. I knew people fell out of relationships, but I never imagined we would. I'll always be thinking about you. You have my heart. Forever and always, remember?

You helped me through so much. Through everything, you never left me. You made me fall in love with you so much more and then you left. I watched as you walked away, and I watched as my heart fell out of my chest.

I promised that I would give you the best years, and I hope I kept that promise. The past two years were the best years of my life.

I hope you can wake up everyday with a smile on your face. You deserve to be happy.

I still watch the videos saved on my phone and I still look at our pictures when I miss you. I don't know what else to you.

Your voice would always bring a smile to my face, but now every time I listen to you sing, my chest hurts.

I don't know if you fell out of love, or if I was adding too much pressure on your life, but I will always love and admire you. You were the one person I looked up to. I adored and loved every part of you. I still do.

Once I lost you, I thought love was dying.

My parents adored you. They believed we would be together until the end, but the end came sooner than we expected. It came too soon and I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, but maybe you were.

You always told me I was special. I believed you. I always believed you, and I always trusted you, even if I knew you were lying.

It feels as if our relationship was based on lies. One lie led to another and eventually it became too much.

We added so much unnecessary pressure to our relationship and it collapsed before us.

I wish I could blame it all on you, but I know that's far from the truth. I wanted you to myself, but the world didn't want to give you away. It never did and I know it never will. You're too valuable.

I wonder if you still think of me when you feel lonely. I'm always thinking of you regardless. You've made me so incredibly happy. Thank you.

I miss you, but I'm happy that you're happy now. I see your smile and I'm reminded of home. I know you're happy now, even if you're not with me.