Ruel Imagines

3.✿❀✧*

[EDITED]

"Hey, Ruel. If you somehow get this, I just wanted to say that I miss you more than anything. I miss hearing your laugh and seeing you smile. I miss being able to hug and kiss you. I hope I can see you soon. I love you so much." I said, ending the voicemail.

I've been sitting in my room for the past few days, staring at the ceiling. Everything is so blurry and dull. I haven't had much of an appetite and even though I'm not doing anything, I feel so tired. I feel drained of everything.

He's okay now. He's happier now.

I haven't had any motivation to do anything. When he left, a part of me left with him. I feel like my whole body is dying. I feel like I'm dying. He was always the one person that made me feel something. He was my safe place.

I feel stuck. As the seconds tick by, I feel like I'm stuck in a weird space. I feel like I'm floating. Am I really alive? I'm breathing, but I'm stuck; stuck in this headspace.

Even though it's been a few months, I'm scared to look at his things in my room. Once he left, I put all his things in a box, hoping he would come back to get them, but he never did.

The only thing I kept with me was his sweater. It still smells like him. Every time I hold it close to my chest, I imagine me hugging him. If only I could hug him one last time.

I always call him and leave a voicemail, hoping he might one day pick up or call me back.

"I miss you so much." I said to no one.

I still look at our pictures on my phone. He looked so happy.

"Come back, please."

I sometimes think about what would happen if I could see him one more time. I would tell him that I love him so much. I would give him the biggest hug ever and never let go, but I know that's not how things will work out for us.

Whenever I hear his name, a part of me wishes I could just call his name and see him turn around.

I still remember our late nights and stupid conversations. I remember all our 'I love you's and petty arguments.

You may have left, but you never left my mind.

All I think about is you. All I can think about is you.

If I can just see you again, I would just hug you.

I looked at my phone, debating whether or not to call again for the third time today. I gave in and tapped on his contact, calling him.

"I'm sorry. I love you. Please come back." I said, breaking down. I took a deep breath. "You mean the world to me. Please come back. I need to see you one more time." I hung up, angry at myself.

I threw my phone at the edge of my bed. I couldn't breathe at this point.

After a while, I mustered up the courage to go see him. I stood up and put his sweater on, as well as a pair of leggings. I grabbed my keys from the kitchen counter and drove to the supermarket. I knew he liked the yellow flowers, so I bought some.

When I arrived to where I knew he would be, I took a deep breath before getting out of my car. As I got closer to him, my heart began to race.

I sat down next to him.

"Hey, Ruel. I brought these for you." I said, placing the yellow flowers into the vase and throwing the old ones away.

I placed my hand on his grave.

"I miss you so much."

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but when I looked behind me, no one was there. I'm probably imagining things.

"I love you and I know I'll never stop loving you. You'll always have my heart and I'll never forget about you. I know you're in a better place now. I'm sorry I couldn't help. I hope you know that you mean the world to me. I'd do anything to have you back."

I refused to say goodbye to him because goodbyes are permanent.