Childhood Sweetheart

Fourty Six

THE FINAL CHAPTERS

This is the third year without my first born. How did I get here? I lost everything within a short amount of time and it just keeps getting worse. Losing my mom and then my daughter was the most heart breaking and life changing thing I ever had to go through, and it didn't just stop there. Things got bad even after I thought the madness was over with. I know were not supposed to question god, but I just keep wondering what I do to lose damn near everything. I lost the things with the most value, my family. I still had all my material things and that shit didn't mean a damn thing to me. I could not take living in that house after Rayne and my mom died in there and even though we moved back to Virginia for Rayne funeral I didn't want to be there either. We ended up moving far out Maryland and got an even bigger house and of course Nala wasn't too far away. My best friend who ended up being my blood sister has never left my side I think she was more overprotective than Damian. I've been so numb to life I don't think the same and I really don't care about shit anymore. My dead father who came out of nowhere and turned my life upside down still locked up and he never coming out. I was fine without a father, my mother was everything to me and when she passed, I just didn't think things would be this fucking bad. I can't think straight. All the anxiety and panic attacks were taking a toll on my body. I lost 20 LBS in the last 6 months. I barely eat unless my husband force me too. Who knew so much happiness and success would come with so much hell, All I cared about was making my husband and kids happy and it was always some bullshit that came with it.

I was stressing so much I lost my last baby it was a boy. I had to push him out. It brought back all the memories when I lost my baby sister. He was so handsome, Damian and I are trying again for another baby, we still want a big family. Damian have not been taking Rayne death well at all. I haven't either but I have put my pain aside to try and help my husband cope with everything. I have two stores, one down in Florida and I have one here in Maryland and both stores are doing great. My website is up and running and I am I always sold out of products. Business is great, my house is beautiful, my kids are well taken care of, but I just still feel so empty inside. With all the extra orders I had I couldn't get them out in time, so I had to hire an assistant. I ended up hiring this young white lady. She was 24 years old with no kids and she just finished college. I hired her because of her experience in sales that she had when she was 19. She got the job done with no hesitation. I kept her away from the twins for the first couple months to try and fill her out. Her name is Sarah she is an only child. Damian felt like it was something off about her. I didn't see it. Sarah seemed sweet and genuine to me.

The twins are about to be 4 years old in two weeks. Rayne would have been 6 years old. I don't know what I want to do for their birthday. I have an idea that me and Damian been talking about for the last month. They like two different characters, Jaylin loves paw patrol and Jayla loves Moana. If she loses that Moana doll, she is going have a heart attack. I have to take them to karate every Wednesday, Jayla don't really like it, Jaylin love it. My baby doesn't want to do nothing but be up under her father. He takes Jayla to work with him twice a week. For some reason Jaylin don't like Sarah every time he sees her, he just bust out crying. Damian wants me to fire her. I'm conflicted because she is good at her job, but my son is uncomfortable, and my husband feels like something not right with her, so I must respect what he says and how he feels. Sarah came in and I asked her to meet me in the office so we could talk. "Did I do something wrong" Sarah said. "Just meet me in the office, please!" when she asked that question, she seemed guilty about something. I never seen her act like that before. Sarah has been working for me for only a few months I don't let her roam through my house. I don't know her every move because the point of me having an assistant because I be so busy. Jaylin walked past my office on his way to the kitchen with Damian so they could get snacks for Jayla and him. Jaylin stopped and heard Sarah on the phone, and he said just started screaming no and shaking his head. The last time my son was acting like this was with the nanny who was abusing him, and Rayne and I caught that shit on camera. Clearly it doesn't matter what race a motherfucker is you can't trust a damn soul. Our cameras weren't installed yet because we only been in the house for a few months but the ones we are getting is expensive and so small that nobody won't ever be able to tell where they are in the house. Nala been gone for about two weeks now and I asked her to cut her trip short for this emergency. One thing about it Nala do not play when it comes to her niece and nephew. About 30 minutes later she arrived, and I explained to her my concerns about Sarah. Nala didn't say anything she stormed into my office and told Sarah to stand her bitch ass up. I said to myself "uh oh" Please lord don't let Nala hit this white woman or we all going to jail no questions asked. Damian mom took Jayla downstairs. I grabbed Jaylin by his hand and told him it was okay, and I wasn't going to let Sarah hurt him. Mind you my baby is only 3 going on 4 years old. I always told my kids they can come to me and their father or auntie Nala about anything. We all went into my office. I had Jaylin by his hand. I got right to the damn point after everything we went through, we didn't need no more drama. "Sarah I called you to my office because it has been brought to my attention that my son is afraid of you, my husband doesn't feel comfortable with you being here and I have to respect how he feels and my children safety comes first. You do a great job being my assistant, but I need you to tell me the god honest truth or things can go left. Take that as threat but it's a promise. What did you do to my son for him to scream and cry every time he sees you?" Jaylin wouldn't even look at Sarah. He had his face buried into Damian shirt.