Chapter 36
"How did you know that I am here?" I asked him, ignoring his statement.
"When you left, I asked Ethan to where you are but he didn't want to tell me. He told me to stay away from you and you're living your life somewhere else. That's why I got my own ways to find you. It took me five months to know your whereabouts and that you're here in Bacolod. I thought about visiting you here but I had a second thought that maybe you don't want to see me yet. That's why I waited, I waited for five fucking years to come to you, that maybe this time, you're already healed from what happened back then. Maybe we could start again, Eunice." He said as he never leaves my eyes.
"I can't lose another year or another five fucking years Eunice. Five years was too long enough to let you on your own. This time, I am planning to take you with me and we'll get married."
Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.
"Do you think its easy Kiel? It's easy to be on my own and let go of what happened before? To forget about everything and to forget about my child? Hindi ganun kadali iyon Kiel! Yes, five fucking years was long enough for me to heal and be better again, but that was to get away from everything that's painful! Hindi ganoon kadali na kalimutan na lang bigla ang anak ko na hindi ko man lang nakita!" My tears started to flow.
"I know it's not that easy to forget about what happened pero nangyari na yun Eunice. And remind you that it's our child that we lost. Nawalan din ako Eunice, so please, alam kong nasaktan ka pero mas nasasaktan ako sa tuwing naiisip ko ang lahat dahil kasalanan ko ang nangyari. I don't want any of that to happen, but it did. I'm sorry for everything, baby." He softly said and held my hands.
"Please, let me take your hand and we could start again. I don't want to lose you anymore, hindi ko kaya Eunice." Punong-puno ng lungkot ang kaniyang mga matang nakatingin sa akin.
"Ang sabi mo hindi ka pa handa na tanggapin ang lahat noon. Limang taon, limang taon akong naghintay, baka ngayon pwede na. I won't leave until you're ready to be with me again."
"Hindi mo ba narinig ang sinabi ko noon? Let me repeat it again Kiel, I regret everything that happened -"
"That's fucking bullshit! You can't even look at me in the eyes when you fucking said that! Sa tingin mo naniwala ako noon? I came back to see you pero wala ka na. You left already, leaving me alone and devastated Eunice. Nawalan ako ng anak tapos nawala ka na rin sa akin. Sa tingin mo, how can I continue living my life back then when you chose to left me. Kaya tangina Eunice, alam kong ako pa rin. Alam kong mahal mo pa rin ako Eunice." Sabi niya at patuloy lang ang luha ko sa paglandas.
Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa kaniya, pero masyadong masakit. Masakit dahil nasaktan ko siya, masakit dahil mas nasasaktan siya, masakit dahil hindi ko man lang alam ang nararamdaman niya noon.
Umiling ako at humikbi.
"I'm sorry... I am not ready to start over again, Kiel. Hindi ko pa kaya" pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko pero patuloy ito sa pag-agos.
Hinampas niya ang manibela.
"Hindi mo pa kaya? Saan, Eunice?" he furiously looked at me.
"You are engaged with Shanaya! Kaya huwag mo akong gawing tanga." I shot back at him.
Mas lalong nagkasalubong ang kilay niya na tinignan ako.
"What are you talking about? Engaged? I am not engaged, Eunice. Unless you want me to propose right now." Sabi niya at kumunot ang noo ko.
Naguguluhan ako, hindi siya engaged?
"Nakita kong engaged kayo sa isang magazine! It clearly stated there that you two are fucking engaged Kiel!"
