L3 - A letter, some love and damn luck (COMPLETED ✅)

Chapter 7

L3 - A letter, some love and damn luck

Chapter 7

It's all dark around me. The only spotlight on me.

"Where am I?", I whisper-ask myself.
"Darshan?", I call out and there is no reply.

Suddenly, the space around my legs is filled with smoke and the smell of charred human flesh follows around. I see a nearly five-year old girl struggling inside a upturned crashee car. But, all of it is in blurred vision. All, I can do is hear. The smell makes me wanna puke, but nothing comes out of me. I hear repetitive cries from the girl and I can almost make out that she is banging the car. I tried to reach out to her, but somebody drags me behind. I look around and the dragger is invisible. My right leg is raised in the air, I feel something catch my leg, but I can't see who is. I try to free myself. But, I can't. I am again, thrown into a dark room, with no light. I see the same girl in the corner, burying her head into her knees and shaking convulsively and I could make out that she is crying. I try to make my way over to her, when the floor beneath me opens into a large hole. Fiery lava in it. Before I can utter anything, I fall into it, but the time has slowed down. I can take it in. I am falling in slow motion.

As I fall into the lava, it feels cool, almost like water. Yes, there is where I am. In a lake. As I swim up to the light. I sit by the bank and I see the same girl. A boy somewhat in the age of five, comes over to her and lays his hand out. She grabs his hand and walks away. And suddenly, I am hit with something hot at the back of my head. I turn around to face the attacker, but met with silence. Slowly, I make my way forward.

I was dragged into the dark room again. In front of me laid a half burnt body of a male and then a lady who appeared to be hanging from a tree. Her eyes bulged out and her neck was stained red with blood. I felt something wet on my hand. The red liquid, scared me. I rubbed my hands to get rid of them. I felt something glare at me. Slowly, I looked up. The lady was looking at me. She flew towards me. I wanted to run back and scream. But my legs wouldn't support. So, I stayed glued to my spot.

“You killed him. You ungrateful brat! You killed him”, the lady chanted like it was her mantra. My eyes widened.

“No, I didn't”, I wanted to scream.

She moved forward, close to me, trying to strangle me.

In that instance, I flung my eyes open. Beads of sweat never left my forehead. My eyes widened in horror. O haven't had this dream for the past twelve years. But, all of a sudden it came back. I frantically looked around for water. My hands were all clammy and shivering. I was scared that the dream might become the reality. That the lady might come and strangle me to death, all of a sudden!
I nearly toppled over half of the things on the table and poured myself a glass of water.

I bit the end of my pillow to stop myself from crying and screaming loudly. Nevertheless, the tears streamed down my face. I couldn't help it.

After nearly ten minutes, my mind was screaming to do it. Never in my life did I think I would ever do it. But, I couldn't tell anyone about it too. I had no choice. I detached myself from the pillow. My hands were still sweating. Frantically, I opened the bed side drawer. I rummaged through the contents to search for ‘it’.

As my hands caught hold of the orange bottle, my mind somewhat relaxed. I screwed it open and took out two to three pills. In the darkness, I couldn't actually make out how many pills I was taking. Xanax, the name of the anti-depressant was. Well, I am not prescribed for using it, but it hadn't any side effects, so maybe I could use it. I took in the pills with water and kept it back beneath everything, in case Darshan finds out.

If he knows, he will be infuriated. He would nearly kill me... But he can't do that, can he? I chuck the thought at the back of my mind and wipe away my tears. I went into the washroom to wash my face and maybe even have a warm shower to be able to sleep again, although that happened rarely. Once I was awake, I would probably lie awake for most of the night. I sigh at the thought and strip out of my pajamas and stand beneath the warm water.

My body tensed as the water first paced down my body, then slowly my shoulder muscles relaxed. One by one each organ of my body was relaxed and I leaned to one of the walls of the washroom as I crossed my arms across my chest.

The aroused heartbeats had somewhat calmed down and the throbbing was bearable. The irregular pants that came out in short intervals was shortened as well.

I knotted my hands in my hair. I walked out of my bathroom in a towel and I saw Darshan sleeping in my bed. My body tensed looking at him. I skipped a beat and my breath came out in short pants. I clenched the towel around my chest tighter as I moved towards him. His back was facing towards me.

With pressed footsteps, I moved closer to him. He was in a deep sleep. But, when did he get here? Should I blame the construction work on the road for this, or was I so preoccupied with my thoughts that I couldn't hear the door open and close? He moved to his side for a bit and I skipped a beat there, again.

Immediately, my eyes followed up the drawer and seeing it close, made me feel lighter.

The Xanax bottle was actually his'. He used to take those because some of his friends had said that it was not harmful and was just an anti-depressant. But, it a highly addictive if taken without prescription. Although, I am in the same business, I can't let my brother get into it.

You see, it's okay for me. But not for him. Yeah yeah, I am a hypocrite. But, I can't let my brother fall into the same abyss as I am.

I slowly open my closet and pull out some clothes. The anti-depressant and warm shower might have helped for my eyelids felt heavy.

After wearing my clothes, I slept beside him and as if, instinctively, he slung his hand over me and snuggled closer.

I closed my eyes, thinking of his innocence, his love, his affection, his care and... Him.

XXXXXX

As the sunlight crept through the curtains, I raised my hands to obstruct the light and then, I felt someone pulling open my eyelids.

"Darshan!", I groaned as I moved to the side.

"Didi, aaj sunday hai toh kya pura din sote rahogi? Jaldi aao break fast ready hai", he said and I shot my eyes open.

"Why did you make breakfast today?", I asked still trying to absorb the light coming in. I looked around to see the bedside table in a cluttered mess. Well, it didn't much look any different from normal. But I guess, he made out that nothing was right.

He gave a small, beautiful smile.

"And what were you doing in my room last night?", I asked, squinting my eyes at him.

"I dreamt of dragons burning down my castle and princess", he shrugged and I tried to stifle a laugh.

"—And", he continued, "I dreamt that it burnt even you", he said more in a whisper.

Is it a strange connection... Or have we grown so adapted and habituated with each other, that we sometimes even know what the other is going through?

"Didi", he called out examining my little out of thought face, "are you fine?"

This one question was simple to break me into tears and break my whole facade. I don't know if he remembers this or not. I don't if he will ever remember it. The charred body. The hanging woman. The blood-red hands.

Although I wanted to yell a big 'no' and run away from all this, I couldn't. A part of me accepted that this was all my fault. I could save him, but I couldn't. How could I save him? I don't know. But I could have saved him.

Pulling up a smile like a string, I answered.

"I am fine"

// Hola guys! Hope all of you are doing great in this lock down! So, I was up with packed classes today, but I was determined to write this up, so I did. Also guys, I hope you know about Xanax, it can act as a life saver if prescribed, otherwise it might prove as a notorious drug. Hope you guys are safe, love ya guys... //