Chapter 36: I swear!

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"Listen to  your heart, when it's calling for you." - Roxette.

I shifted beneath my blanket and checked on my alarm

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I shifted beneath my blanket and checked on my alarm. It was now ringing for the third time as I ignored. I wasn't feeling like it. Like going to that hell hole thing of a school. Like meeting Gillard and having nothing to say. Like having lunch alone with Alicia and Juliet together on another table. I was never ready to encounter that lonely sort of a moment I had yesterday.

I quickly turned off the alarm and faced the wall side of my bed. I wasn't really sleeping, I was staring. A lot was out of place lately. I was super alone and I'm yet to understand if I'm the problem or they are. I squeezed my head under my pillow and forced my eyes into sleep. None of my thoughts made sense, and maybe they were never going to make sense.

Sometimes it feels like I can't die, cause I never was alive,
Everyday it feels like someone new died, something knows it was alive,
This is my version of watching you cry, looking you in your eyes,
This is my version of watching you die, telling me by surprise.
Yeah....

My ringtone was kinda weird I noticed. But what if that's what I'm feeling now? Juice Wrld really defines some situations. I turned to check who was calling. I glimpsed on the top right to see what time it was and it was already 7:30, my first class being at 8.00, I was not even thinking about attending so...good you know.

"Hey" I ignored the FaceTime and called her with the dial pad. I looked like some pit of trash I couldn't allow anyone to see that.

"Hey baby. I'll be coming at your school today. What time are you available?" I was shocked to the sound of that. My eyes blotted out and my heart stopped for a minute. " Don't worry, I won't be staying," seems she read my mind. I didn't even want that to happen. There's a lot I need to meditate upon...alone.

"Then what you coming to do?" I knew it kinda sounded rude. But it's out already. What am I gonna do!

"Bringing some staffs. What time can I come?!" She wasn't begging to come. She was telling me that she was coming and there's nothing I can do to stop that!

"Tricia, I'm home the whole day you can come any time." I said it out calmly before it gets down. "But remember...."

"...not to stay long I know. Bye."

She hang up after finishing the sentence for me. Nothing is worse than someone knowing you to that extent. She even knows what's next on your tongue.

Aight.

I was out of sleep. From nowhere I got the energy to wash my house and do some cleaning. She would embarrass me if she gets all these mess. I took a warm shower and wore my pink shorts with a singlet, it wasn't a cold morning so....again, good you know!

My living room was even messy than my bed side. Food was all over, the note was on the table, clothes and shoes were all misplaced in the whole room and my kitchen was out of explanation. I tied my hair to a ponytail and started up with the shoes. I arranged them neatly in my shoe rack, took the dirty ones away and picked all the dirty clothes, placed them on the bucket in the bathroom and went on.

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