Need A Stack

Chapter 45: Uninterested.

"Reduce expectations!"- Charity Peris.

"Hey, are you okay? Amanda! Hey...wake up!"

First I thought it was all but lucid dreams but then I opened my eyes slowly and met a worried expression of Gillard.

"Thank the gods are you okay? Oh my I thought I lost you!"

I wasn't yet in my senses.

"Where are we?" I asked pushing myself up with my elbow. Finally I noticed we were in his car speed driving to I don't know where.

"On our way to the hospital. You definitely need some medical attention."

"Hell nah! I'm cool." The last place I'd wish to visit in my whole life is the hospital. The last time I went to such a place was when Donny was sick. We drove all the way to Agha Khan hospital just to find the most weird nurses on duty. They couldn't even figure how they could treat him and we had to stay till morning with our fingers crossed waiting for the nurses and doctors of the next shift. I couldn't waste my good time going to any other hospital,not when I'm this conscious.

"Are you sure you okay?"
He asked with a more worried face.

"Yes trust me I'm good."
I forced a smile as I pushed myself up on a sitting posture. "Can you please take me to my place?' I asked when I noticed he couldn't trust my words when I said I was fine.

"Yeah sure, if that works for you." He turned the car and we drove silently to my place.

"Shall I?" He stood by the doorway giving me his hand willing to help me out. I blushed a little then finally gave him mine. He's so awesome. That's what I gathered during this grace period.

He helped me in and made sure I'm warm. He made some coffee for me, carried me to my bed and covered me with my duvet.

"I need to leave. But I'll come check up on you in the evening okay?."

"What time is it?" I frowned a little. Why is he leaving me? I wish I was his only responsibility. Where could he even be going without me? Leaving me in this condition is nothing too close to caring!

"Hey it's 3, did you hear me? Hey?"

I was super lost in my thoughts and  my face could say I wasn't okay with the idea of him leaving.

"I could stay if you wanted." He said throwing one hand calmly in the air locking his peaceful innocent eyes with mine.

"Nop, I'm cool.. I'll be ok! See you tommorow."

"Hey are you sure?" This time he leaned so close that I wished he could give me another bareful kiss. I paused and stared at his moisturized lips trying to find a more polite way of finding my way through them.

"Mmh?" I pulled back and stared at his eyes. I switched my face too fast when I noticed I was almost deep into my feelings. Damn girl wake up!

"Yeah I'm sure, go have some good time." I definitely didn't mean that.

"Okay, bye." He gave me a peck and started going out from my small so called bedroom. That was the biggest mistake he could do. The peck arouse something so weird in me and I couldn't hold back. The sweet sensation was now more alternated depending on what I felt before. The biggest part of me now craved for more kisses and cuddles from just one man.

This is the second time I felt this about him and I couldn't doubt about that. His touch was a complete turn on to me and my so called feelings. Being so much uninterested with what I felt about everything, I grew more interested to know what would happen if I gave it an opening to my thoughts.

"Hey." I called out when he was at the door.

"Ssup?" Him looking worried asif I was going to die soon, I threw myself into him and kissed him like I would surely die if I didn't. My breathe was unbearable, all time I could feel my pants wet and hot! Why the hell could he drive me this insane. What the heck!

I pulled back when he acted a little cold. Didn't he love me the way he'd said before? I felt so embarrassed doing that. I turned and went to my bed. Shit!

He didn't say a word and just left!

Wtf!!!!!

Why did I do that??! What is really going on with me. He only told me one time that he liked me. How can that really drive me this insane. As if I don't know men do lie.

I bet now he could be seeing me as some type of shit! A cheap slut who would kiss anyone who pretends to care.

I wished I could have tears to cry and scream so that all these thoughts could leave my head. Did I even feel anything for him or I was just some piece of hungry fool who was horny asf! Damnit!

My mind made me feel like I was so worthless! And that killed me since I was supposed to believe what I did was always right! Which it happens that my thoughts for the first time just betrayed me and k can't tell how many times it has been betraying me for the past days.

I pressed my pillow on my head like I always do when I was deep into some weird thoughts. Nothing worked and everytime I pictured myself selling myself off to a man who wasn't interested in me.

The way he looked at me confused af said it all. I literally messed myself up and left some boy deny me for the second time. I wish I could hate him forever from the eyebrow thing. Giving humans second chances are exactly wrong ideas and I'm the first person who always know that. I even started doubting up if that was even true.

I'm such an asshole. I'm never going back to school unless that image of a man transfers!

A/N
HEEYYYY!!! Merry Christmas loves!! It's here once again! How are y'all feeling??! Hope I'm not breaking your heart on Christmas! How's Amanda guys? What do you think? Is she supposed to stop expecting more from men? I really need to know what y'all thinking ♥️♥️😘😘Meanwhiles have the very best Christmas with ya loved ones💯💯

Dedicated: Before you Go, Lewis Capaldi.