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Ode to the Alexander Hamilton

A Sonnet by Thomas Jefferson

To Alexander Hamilton, I write.
How I hate the way you eat, write and plan,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the weird japan.

Let me compare you to a pretender?
You are more solid, deadpan and superb.
Strange frost nips the robins of December,
And wintertime has the weak balsam herb.

How do I hate you? Let me count the ways.
I hate your annoying eyebrows and smile.
Wanting your skill with a quill fills my days.
My hate for you is the impassive dial.

Now I must away with a dirty heart,
Remember my serb words whilst we're apart.

Auto Praise for Ode to the Alexander Hamilton

"Look, you might think 'dial' is a good rhyme for 'smile', but frankly I couldn't make head nor tale of what you were trying to say."- The Daily Tale

"The author is so talented that I really feel the hate for the object of the poem's annoying eyebrows and smile."- Enid Kibbler

"The iambic pentameter almost works!"- Hit the Spoof

"Not even Shakespeare himself would be bold enough to use a simile like 'a pretender' - wow!"- Zob Gloop