Hamilton Stories Ft. Plot Generator

Near the same spot where Philip died: Weehawken

A Short Story by Alexander Hamilton

Alexander Hamilton looked at the old gun in his hands and felt ambivalent.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his cold surroundings. He had always hated near the same spot Philip died Weehawken with its teeny-tiny, thirsty tunnels. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel ambivalent.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Aaron Burr. Aaron was an adorable monster with skinny ankles and sloppy eyebrows.

Alexander gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a forgetful, energetic, beer drinker with scrawny ankles and hairy eyebrows. His friends saw him as a low, loopy lawyer. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a dirty old lady.

But not even a forgetful person who had once made a cup of tea for a dirty old lady, was prepared for what Aaron had in store today.

The wind blew like talking blue bottles, making Alexander anxious.

As Alexander stepped outside and Aaron came closer, he could see the freshly-squeezed glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want revenge," Aaron bellowed, in a considerate tone. He slammed his fist against Alexander's chest, with the force of 8440 monkeys. "I frigging hate you, Alexander Hamilton."

Alexander looked back, even more anxious and still fingering the old gun. "Aaron, I have the honor to be your obidient servant, A. Ham," he replied.

They looked at each other with irritable feelings, like two happy, healthy horses walking at a very friendly duel, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two delightful uncles partying to the beat.

Alexander studied Aaron's skinny ankles and sloppy eyebrows. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you revenge," he explained, in pitying tones.

Aaron looked stressed, his body raw like a scandalous, shredded sausage.

Alexander could actually hear Aaron's body shatter into 8384 pieces. Then the adorable monster hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of beer would calm Alexander's nerves tonight.

THE END

Auto Praise for Near the same spot Philip died Weehawken

"I feel like I know Alexander Hamilton. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the wind blew like talking blue bottles is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop