Jacob's Eighth Collection (Major Editing)

Chapter 23: Nowhere

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(Althea)

"Mom, why are you still awake?" Nilingon ko ang pinto kung saan nakatayo si Chase. Nakalagay ang kanyang mga kamay sa dibdib na akala mo eh tatay ko sya.

"Eh ikaw, bakit gising ka pa po?" Sinenyasan ko sya na umupo sa tabi ko at agad naman nya iyong sinunod.

"I can't sleep Mom." Saad nya at saka yumakap sa bewang ko.

"Why?" Tanong ko. Malalim siyang nagbuntong hininga bago niya ako sinagot.

"I- I... I'm thinking about them." Sagot nya at ibinaon ang mukha nya sa tiyan ko. Matamlay akong napangiti. Gaya ko, iniisip nya rin pala si Jacob at Chans.

"Chans is nice Mom, I just don't like him being stubborn. And he can't pronounce 'r' properly." Napangiti ako sa mga sinabi niya. Hindi niya rin kayang tiisin ang kakambal. At sa kaniya na mismo nagmula na gusto niya ito.

"Then you need to teach him." Suhestiyon ko. Tiningala nya ako at patanong na tiningnan.

"How?" He asked. Marahan kong hinaplos ang pisngi nya at saka siya nginitian.

"Chase, do you want to be with Chans?" Tanong ko sa kanya pero pinangunutan nya ako ng noo.

"Even if I want to, we just can't right?" Pinukulan nya ako ng isang makabuluhang tingin. Kahit anak ko sya, napakahirap pa ring maunawaan ng mga ikinikilos niya.

"Do you want to know what I felt before, and what I am feeling now?" He begun to play with his fingers like he use to do whenever he's up to something.

"I'll listen. Mom will listen." Niyakap ko sya ng mahigpit. Ito ang hinihintay ko. Ang mag open up siya. At baka pagkatapos nito, mahanap ko na ang sagot sa tanong na bumabagabag sa akin.

"I dreamed of a father before. I want to have one, just like my playmates. Whenever we play, I got jealous. Because they have a dad which guide them. Their dad teaches them how to fly kite and how to use a remote control car. A man who hold the back of their bikes even if it has trading wheels. A man who scold them when they do wrong things. A man, a father, but I have none." Nag umpisang pumatak ang mga luha nya. Nahihirapan akong makita syang ganito. Pero kahit ganoon, nagpatuloy ako sa pakikinig.

"I thought if a child has a dad, he/she has a hero. But I trashed that thought when, Tita Shiela told me everything. I was hurt that time Mom. I thought my dad is a hero and he's not here because he's just in a mission. But I was wrong. My dad is a monster, and not a hero. A hero will never hurt anyone, but that man did. I cried and cried because I am super hurt Mom." Napaluha na rin ako dahil sa ikinukwento nya. Hindi ko sya masisisi kung bakit ayaw nya sa ama nya.

"And after crying, I promised my self that no one will hurt you any more. After that day, I didn't play with my playmates because their dad only gave me faulse hopes. And I just focused with X-men. Heroes with powers. I thought they're just like me. Mutants. And people hate mutants. I keep in mind that Dad hates us. And so am I. I hate him. But I am not like him, cause I won't hurt you. I am not a monster, but he is. He's bad, but I am not. And I know a hero and a villain will never be as one. Just like me and Dad. I already accepted that I, you and him will never be together." He looked directly on my eyes as if he's telling something within his stare.

"But yesterday, when I saw him, when he lift and hugged me, I--. Let's sleep Mom." Tumayo sya at saka ako hinalikan sa pisngi at tuluyan na syang lumabas ng kwarto ko.

Naiwan akong tulala. Ano ba ang nararamdaman nya? Kase sa totoo lang, hirap na hirap na akong manghula. Anak ko sya, pero pakiramdam ko hindi nya ako ka ano ano. Pero wala akong ibang pwedeng gawin kundi ang intindihin sya. Alam kong nahihirapan rin sya sa sitwasyon namin.