First Love, The Sinner & The Saint

Scared Little Girl.

Jaxon

'Shit!' I thought to myself. What had I done? Not only had I been forced to kill again, I hadn't enjoyed it.
I think that shocked me most, I almost felt sorry for her as she sat writing that note to her daughter.
I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be okay! Who would taunt me at work now? 12 years I had worked with her, since my work experience program when I was 13.
At such a tender age I had a crush on her.. and now she was dead, dead at my hands. This wasn't right.

But all that aside, she was Sofia's best friends mom! My Sofia, the girl I had poured my whole heart into. Yes she had killed Penny, but this was so much worse.

Sofia hadn't been with anyone since me? She hadn't been with anyone before me either.. that made me smile, she was still my girl.
I was back home by now, I walked inside.. I needed a shower. I couldn't see Sofia like this. I left the door on the latch and sent her a text

Jaxon; Doors open. You know what to do.

Sofia; k.

I just got k dotted. That was a first, how fucking rude. I didn't have time to be too hurt about this, I had to shut away the dolls house, put the table back, Jump in the shower, get dressed.. and somehow look like I hadn't left the house. Time to get shit done.

The shower didn't help much, I still felt like shit. I heard the door open, I heard it lock afterwards 'good girl' I thought. She knew what to do.
I heard footsteps, she was coming up the stairs, I didn't have time to get dressed.. she wanted to have this out with me, what I was going to say to her? I no idea.

She walked in my room, looking as beautiful as ever, her hair tied up in a messy bun, this was new look for her, I liked it.
She was wearing reading glasses, sexy secretary look, I loved it.
She sat on my bed, didn't seem to notice I was stood almost naked, just a towel around my waist, I sat next to her.

She flinched... I couldn't believe my eyes, she had never done that before.
"Sofia, sweetheart, I would never hurt you"
She just looked at me coldly "why not. I'm not a child anymore, I'm 16, it's official. You can off me now"
That stung. How could she think I would do that to her.
"I would go to prison before ever laying a hand on you." I protested as I put my hand on her thigh.
There it was again! She flinched! She moved my hand off her and got up, walked to the other side of the bedroom, she had her arms behind her back, leaning against the door, it was almost as if she wanted to stay by the exit.
Her eyes were puffy, she had been crying. I just wanted to comfort her but she didn't want me anywhere near her.
"What happened between you and Bekah?" She asked me, still not making eye contact.
I had to be honest with her "We fucked, it meant nothing. I imagined she was you. It was the only way I could go through with it."
"Oh that makes me feel tons better" she rolled her eyes, still not looking at me "fuck who you want but as long as I'm on your mind it's A okay."
It wasn't okay at all. "Sofia please, don't be angry at me.." I couldn't deal with this, I felt like that scared little boy again, hiding under the stairs so my mom wouldn't find me. Putting my hand over baby Ezra's mouth so he wouldn't cry and give away our hiding place.
She must have noticed I was deep in thought because she came back over and sat next to me again.
"Bekah left.. Freya doesn't know where she's gone.. have you seen her?"
"Yes.."
"Where is she Jaxon, is she down there! Please tell me she isn't down there."
"She's not down there.." my reply was quiet, but at least at this point it was the truth.
I moved a little closer, she flinched and moved away. I didn't like this one bit. What did she think I was going to do to her!

She was looking at me, I felt better when she avoided eye contact, the look of disappointment on her face was killing me. "Then where is she?"
"In her car, dead.. I faked her suicide." Was my response.
Sofia got up off the bed and went back to the door, I continued, I needed to get this out.
"My door was open, and she let herself In, my doll house was open, she wondered down there. She had her phone in her hand, two 9's were inputted, she was about to add the third. I grabbed her phone and pushed her in the cell.
She had seen EVERYTHING. She had wondered around my doll house, seen the outfits, the photos, the hair cuttings..  I made her write a letter to Freya, then I put plant food in her water, forced her to drink it, she just kept spitting it at me but it done it's job in the end. If I went down Sofia, she would have took you down with me. I can do time. But you can't."

She wasn't saying anything, she was processing, that's what this was.. she was getting ready to scream and shout at me, I was ready for it.
"What the hell am I meant to say to Freya?! You KILLED my best friends mom! How could you Jaxon. How could you do this to me?!" She sobbed, for herself, for her friend, for Bekah, for me.. I wasn't sure which.

But I hadn't thought of it like that.. it was Sofia that was suffering here, I was being selfish by killing Bekah. I did it for me.
"What can I do to make it right?"

"Bring Bekah back to life!!!" She screamed at me, this time I was the one that flinched. She must have noticed, she got closer.
"I would NEVER hurt you Jaxon. But what you did is unforgivable. Yes I poisoned Penny, I was angry.. it was a mistake.. maybe.." she stopped and looked deep in thought "maybe Bekah was a mistake for you.. I understand why you did it Jaxon, but this is my life.. my happiness, that you just destroyed."
Did she think I didn't realise that?! I felt so much regret.
I asked again "what can I do to make it right?"
She bit her lip and took my phone. "You can go down there, destroy every photo, every keepsake, get rid of that cell, throw everything out; paint the walls and turn it back into a normal mans basement."
"I will Sofia, I promise you." I said reluctantly.
She went through my phone, deleted her own number, deleted every photo I had of her, every text.
"And never contact me again." Were her final words. She put my phone down on my bed, looked at me one last time, and walked out do my life.

I broke down, I cried, I sobbed, I grieved for the relationship I had lost, for the colleague I had lost, for Sofia's broken heart as well as my own.

"I'll do it for you Sofia" I said to myself. "I will get rid of everything. I will be a normal man.. I owe you that much"
I knew she was serious, we were never seeing each other again. But I would keep my promise to her.