First Love, The Sinner & The Saint

The Shock!

Sofia

3 months had passed since I had last saw Jaxon, I often wondered what he was up to. He was so angry that I started ignoring his texts again.

I woke up one morning and the phone he got me was smashed up. He had been in my house, In my bedroom, While I was sleeping, and destroyed my phone.
That morning I remember I had woke up feeling very sick, I remember running to the bathroom and puking, It had suddenly dawned on me that I had missed my period. This was three weeks after I had last seen him.

After that night I didn't feel safe at my dads anymore, so I went to stay with my birth mother.
He wouldn't know where I was, I needed time and space to breathe. I had took a test and I was definitely pregnant. 'fuck' I had thought to myself.
I didn't tell my dads at the time, but I knew I could tell my birth mother anything, she wouldn't judge me.
I added a few lies, told her it was a boy from school, she told me she would give me 2 months to think about my decision.

So here I was, them 2 months had passed, making it 3 months since I had last seen Jaxon.
I was sitting in my new bedroom at my moms house, the abortion leaflet in my hand knowing what needed to be done.
'I can't wait to stop feeling sick' I thought. Today was the day mom wanted to know my decision.
I could hear her coming into my bedroom..

"hey sweetie how you feeling?" She asked me as she came over and sat on my bed.
"sick and bloated" I replied feeling fed up.
"Oh sweetie" she stroked my hair "how did you get yourself into such a pickle."
"It was a mistake" I sighed. "It shouldn't have happened."
"Are you not going to tell him?"
'Drop it' I thought. "honestly mom it was a teenage fling, do you really think he want's a baby?"
I could tell by her face I had upset her. "I'm just trying to help, sorry.." she looked at me.
"I'm sorry mom, I just want to get this over and done with. Freya is taking me to the abortion clinic."
Mom kissed me on the head, and headed out of my room.

I felt guilty that Jaxon and I were in this situation again. I knew it was because of me. But it needed to be done. I never knew where I stood with him.

As I sat and cried, I couldn't help but look at the photos of the Doll house, I had been through them so many time's, wondering how he got away with this for so long. I realised he was quite smart.

I got an email that morning regarding the abortion appointment for that day at 3.30 pm with Dr Lance, it was just giving me information about the after care.
I skimmed the email;

* bring spare change of clothes.

* bring someone with you.

* Don't drive yourself.

* paracetamol for the pain

* No sexual intercourse for 48 hours.

I was worried as the time crept up very quickly, I just wanted it over and done with.
Freya text me, she said she was downstair's waiting.
I walked down the stairs I felt faint like my whole body wanted to shut down.
She hugged me for a good 5 minutes, and whispered "I'm sorry this happened to you." I was sorry too.

We walked out to her car, she opened the door waiting for me to get in and took my bag off me. I already felt so uneasy all I wanted to do was text Jaxon and ask for him to be there, but he was so protective he would have gone ballistic.

It was an hour drive from my moms, Freya was talking to me most the way but I couldn't listen, I blocked all noise out, I could just about hear the radio in the background, 'I never ever want to have to go through this again' I thought to myself.

We arrived at the clinic, I asked for 5 minutes, Freya got out of the car and went and booked me in.

Im not going to lie, I sat in the car and cried. I didn't know if it was a sign of relief or if I was sad at the fact I was getting rid of the only thing keeping me close to Jaxon. Either way it had to be done.

I wipped my tears away, gave myself a pep talk and walked into the clinic.

I waited anxiously for my name to be called, "Sofia Rose" a soft voice called me.
I got up; this was it. Freya followed me in, I didn't ask any questions, I laid myself on the bed. 'it smells like hospitals in here' I though, it made me want to puke.

Freya grabbed my hand, I squeezed her hand tightly.
The abortionist asked several times if I was 100% sure I wanted to do this. I wanted to be like 'get this fucking thing out of me now' but I just said quietly "yes. "
It was a traumatic and painful experience but it's all done now I thought to myself.

It honestly felt  like someone had ripped my gut's out, it wasn't nice at all. I just wanted to go home, have a bath and go to bed.

I didn't speak to Freya at all on the journey home. I knew she looked at me differently now, probably thought I was a  stupid slut that shouldn't of got myself knocked up in the first place.. I agreed with that thought, I had been so stupid.

Freya dropped me home and told me if I ever needed anything to give her a call, I was pleased, she was being supportive after all.
I gave her a hug and headed to my door, My mom opened the door suddenly and gave me the biggest cuddle. I just sobbed, I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself. I took myself up to bed and fell asleep.

I didn't move out of my bed for almost 3 days, other than to have a bath or occasionally eat, little and often as my mom say's. I couldn't thank her enough for being there when I needed her the most.

It was about 4 pm on the evening I had an email;

Jaxon; I know what you've done. why did you do that?

He was smart, he had emailed me since I blocked his number. I read over the email again and decided not to answer. I didn't want to talk to him. I was so curious about how he knew, but I left it.
I was 3 months Jaxon clean. I wasn't going to let myself go through all that again.

'I linked my email to my new phone' I thought to myself. He must have still had access to that. Saw the clinics email.
I couldn't deal with this.. I was tired.