First Love, The Sinner & The Saint

Goodbye

Sofia

Today had been so tough, The girl's in prison were mental, they would fight for a fag and stupid stuff, I was so glad I didn't smoke..
All that was on my mind was Jaxon, what he was doing and who he was doing.
It really hurt me that he gave me a promise ring promising that we would  spend the rest of our life together and he went and threw it away for some older women, was I ever enough for him?

Today the Top dog, Alisha wanted to fight me, apparently every time a new person came into the prison it was an opportunity for her to assert her position at the top.

I'm not going to lie I was petrified, I was still only 16 years old so as you could imagine I was one of the youngest in there.
All these woman knew I had killed 5 women, so she wasn't about to go easy on me.
The women I shared a cell with wasn't convinced I had done them.. So that was hard keeping the lie alive.
We all had to shower with every other women, they all watched you, especially the lesbian's. they would watch you from a distance trying to figuring out if they wanted you.

You're not aloud anything sharp in prison and my leg hair was getting so long.
I had to shave every night at home.
It was making me feel sick.
I worried that when I got my period I would have to buy my own pad's from commissary and toilet roll's too, I would have to hide them in my room because there was always thief waiting to steal from you in prison. At that point I realised I hadn't had a prison period yet, but I was stressed, my body was fucked.

I was missing my Dad's, they hadn't come to visit me yet, I knew they were just trying to figure all this out, it was going to take them time to process.
my mother had been in, she'd been there  for me a lot lately.

She didn't  judge me. she knew almost everything.
Obviously not that Jaxon had killed the women, she knew about him and that he was older and he didn't know I was pregnant till after I had had the abortion. She kept me going, and kept money in my commissary. I looked forward to the days I would see her.

It was dinner time the food they served us was shit. Nothing like Dad's cooking what I wouldn't do for one of Dad's apple pie's. I could druel just thinking about it.

Today was cheese and brocolli pasta, it looked like someone had chewed it up and spat it back out on my plate, they probably had. A strawberry Sunday pudding was for dessert that's all I was looking forward to.
I went over and tried to sit on my own, I don't want any drama.
I just want to keep my head down, serve my time and leave .. But the Top dog had different idea's she was there to make my life hell.

She came straight over and took my pudding, I didn't even look at her, I thought 'if she want's it she can have it, it's not worth risking my life over.' I hoped the bitch would choke on it too.

Alisha looked at me as I got up "you got something to say their child?"
"No I haven't" I tried to sound confident.
"I swear I saw you mummble something little girl." She taunted me.
"Uhm no just chewing my food."

But before I knew it she smacked me across the back of the head the force made me spit all my food out,
"we don't answer back child." She shouted at me.
The guard came and took her away, and said "we don't behave like that in this prison!!" She was always in trouble. They hated her.

I walked back to my cell, there were a few women outside it, I thought 'fuck they're going to kill me..' I walked toward's them.
One woman said "The top dog want's a fight with you at 6pm if you don't attend she will Kill you."
Shit. "okay.."
Another laughed "she think's she can stand up to Alisha she's crazy.." maybe I was.

I had already had enough, I just wanted Jaxon to hold me and tell me everything would be okay. I was even more miserable in here than I was out there.

My cell mate Sian was a bit strange, not sure why she was in there but she kept sticking up for me and helping me get through the corridor's without being kicked over or slammed to the wall's like the other newbies.

I just wanted 6pm to hurry up..
Sian said to me "here is something to help with your fight tonight" she handed me a toothbrush with a blade on the end of it.
I was scared. "what do you want me to do with this?" I wanted to say 'sort Alisha's eyebrows out for her..' but I didn't.
Sain shrugged. "she's going to use one on you, This is why she's still topdog. it's your only option you're like 5 foot nothing Rose, she's 6ft odd you aint got a chance."
"I'll end up serving more time!" I said worried, not like my sentence could get longer than 5 counts of murder.

Sain smiled "even the guard's don't like her, they will look the other way. No one  in here is brave enough to stand up to her.."
I didn't give a fuck. "I'll stand up to her not a problem but I Don't want to die!"
"We've all got you." Sian said reassuring me.

Like that made me feel any safer, I was in a women's prison and I had to fight the biggest women here, I'm short and I've got no weight behind me.
Just a little sass and an attitude problem as Jaxon would say, Was I really going to murder someone, not by accident this time either..

A guard came over to me "Sofia there's a lawyer here for you."
"I didn't order one?" I said confused.
"You have to go meet with him. it's policy. Maybe he is government funded." The guard said. That made sense.

So I headed out to the meeting room with the guard. I thought 'this is it now, they're going to end my life on the sly and no one will even notice' I was so paranoid while I was locked up.

but No, guess who was waiting for me in the waiting room, looking like he hadn't  seen a razor or a shower in Day's.. fucking Jaxon, He had done it again he had got into my head.

I wasn't shocked at all that he some how found out I was in prison, it was just his style to get  in here pretending to be a lawyer.
He was one smart guy, I wasn't going to let him know I was impressed  though, he didn't need to add that on to his already huge ego..
He knew I wasn't happy to see him at all, can you belive this man? still thinking he owned me after everything we had been through. I didn't think so. That shut wouldn't fly with me.

I told him I didn't want to see his face again, really I wanted to lean over and kiss the face off him, but he knew I wasn't playing.
The moment he told me he almost committed suicide, I wanted to cry and slap him, why would he want to end his life when he was the best part of my life? but I didn't even tell him how I still felt  about him.

I told him if he tried to get me out of here I would slit my own throat.. or if he confessed to the murder's.
I couldn't let him do it, he had been through enough. He was already a broken man.
I felt so angry, I couldn't wait to this get this fight over and done with.
He told me he would always wait for me, that made me melt a little. I could never get over my Jaxon.

I was scared about this fight. I had never used a weapon on anyone, I wasn't a violent person.

Everything that was building up. that I had been through just came out of me, I saw red.

I left the meeting room and headed straight down to the laundry room, where Alisha was waiting with her audience.
I didn't even second think it, I ran over to that bitch got out my blade and slit that bitches throat.
No one would mess with me now!

The guard came in, she saw me standing there with the blade and put her radio to her mouth. "Prisoner 10067 Alisha has had an accident in laundry. She seems to have fallen and caught herself on the sharp edge of the table. It's a fatality. We need to replace this table.
She had covered for me. They really did hate her, I was so thankful for this guard.

I felt invincible, I wasn't believed when I confessed to murder and now I had just murdered a woman in front of a guard and they turned a blind eye to it? I felt like I could get away with anything because I was sweet, innocent, little Sofia.
Life in prison was going to be a fucking breeze, and if anyone's tried to get in my way.. well let's just say I knew how to stop them.