First Love, The Sinner & The Saint

My So Called Mother.

Jaxon

Sofia had been gone for over an hour, and I hadn't moved off my bed. I was going to do what she asked of me, but for right now I just needed some time to clear my head, it could wait until tomorrow, one more night with a doll house wouldn't hurt.

I had so much on mind, of course Sofia was my main thought, but other things were creeping up that I didnt want to relive but here it was... making its way out.

I was 7 the first time mom laid her hands on me, The first time I remember it happening anyway, who knows what happened before that, maybe she beat me as a baby, I wouldn't put it past her, she was a real piece of work.
Ezra was 3, he didn't want to eat his spaghetti, he threw the bowl across the kitchen and it smashed.
My mom was home, she wasn't home often but this time she was, she flew down the stairs so fast when she heard that smash. I thought to myself 'maybe she wants to make sure we are both okay' I was wrong, so very wrong.
She started screaming at us that money didn't grow on trees, that she couldn't afford to feed us as it was, without us throwing food away.

Ezra was in tears at this point, I wanted to be a good big brother, so I took the blame, I told my mom that I had dropped the bowl.
My mom flipped. She grabbed me by the ear and pushed my face to the floor where the bowl was lying, I felt a piece of glass against my cheek, it started to bleed.
She flung me across the room, Screaming and shouting at me saying "that's a night in the basement  for you" I screamed at her that I didn't like it in the basement, it was cold and dark, it was very scary down there. she had put me down there before but she had never hurt me until this night.

She kept hitting me across the head repeatedly and screaming about how she should never have had children, she told me to take my clothes off because they were dirty. She sent me to the basement in just my pants, I had always been allowed to take a blanket before, but not this time, I was cold and scared and bleeding.

I remember how cold it was in there, there was mold growing up the walls, and mushrooms on the floor, it was pitch black, she left a box in the corner for me to sleep on. that night I grabbed some paperwork from a storage box down there and covered myself in the papers, trying to keep warm.

She left me till morning, when she simply opened the door and called down to me "Time to get ready for school sweetie, I've made you breakfast" She was sober now, probably didn't even remember what she had done to me the night before.
But I was 7, I instantly forgave her, she was my mom and I loved her, even though I knew she would forget to pick me up from school, she always did.

I unscrewed the whiskey bottle, started to drink it as I remained deep in my memories. Another memory flooded into my mind.

It was christmas day, I was 9 this time, I had got a new baseball bat for christmas, I loved baseball, I got baseball cards too. My mom was in the kitchen making dinner and drinking gin, she was always drinking. She had a man in there with her.
I had seen this man once before, he dropped her home from work a few weeks earlier. My mom was stripper, there's where my hate for strippers began.
But anyway They were arguing about something, after listening for a minute I realised it was about Ezra and I, he didnt like us.

I heard my mom scream "Get off me!" So ran into the kitchen still holding my new bat, he was pulling her by her hair and hitting her in the face.
I wanted to be a good son, so I ran over to him and whacked him hard between the legs with my bat, that was the first time I ever felt rage, I felt really good for protecting my mom.. But she started crying and asking HIM if HE was okay.
At this point I was confused, she never asked me if I was okay after she hit me.
He turned around and punched me so hard in the face I fell backwards, I felt blood coming from my nose.
My mom just laughed saying next time I would think twice before attacking someone. she screamed at me to get down to the basement, I had not long woke up, I would be in there all day and night.

It was snowing outside, I didn't wanna freeze to death so I asked her "Can I please take my blanket?" She laughed at me and said "Of course sweetie, take Ezra too." Her face was.. I don't don't know how to explain it, in my child mind she looked almost like she was possessed by something evil.

I ran up the stairs and grabbed blankets for me and Ezra, I got a torch and some books, a couple of candles to help keep it warm down there.
I went back to the living room, Ezra was sat playing with a toy car, the only gift he had gotten for Christmas.
"Come on buddy" I said to him trying to sound cheerful "We're going on an adventure" He asked why I was bleeding, I said I had fell, and off to the basement we went.

We had been in the basement for hours, mom hadn't come to lock the door, maybe she had forgot about us. Or passed out drunk.
I went to the door and listened, it was quiet, I ran out and grabbed whatever food I could, some bread, a packet of cookies and a bottle of water.
I ran and hid back in the basement hoping she didnt hear me, I didn't mind going hungry but poor Ezra needed to eat.
She always acted like we didn't exist when men were around and she was putting that white powder up her nose.

The next morning my eyes were both black, she told me I couldn't go to youth club , which meant Ezra wouldnt go either, I always took him to youth club with me in the holidays, it was free. I felt awful, youth club and school were  the only places  Ezra would have a decent, warm meal.

That day mom was more angry than usual, she sat me in an ice cold bath for hours, just because she felt like it.
when she finally passed out on her bed, off her face on that white powder, I got out of the bath.
I went downstairs to check on Ezra, he was at the table, playing in the white power, he had it on his hands and put his fingers in his mouth. 

I panicked, I ran to the kitchen to get a towel to wipe it off, when I got back to the living mom was there, she went up behind Ezra and smacked him so hard across the back of the head that he fell forward and cut his forehead open on the table. I Screamed at her that she would never lay a finger on Ezra again, and I kept that promise.

After a week we were due back in school and she still hadn't sent me, my bruises on my eyes were faded by now, but Ezra's cut looked bad, it was going yellow. I had been trying hard to keep it clean but with a dirty house and no kind of creams or wipes it was hard.

There was a knock at the door that morning, I opened it. it was a pretty lady in a suit, she asked to speak to my mom. I didn't know what was going on.

These memories all felt so fresh, as I was sat on my bed drinking. I had forgot so much of the torture that woman had inflicted on me. but here I was reliving it all.