First Love, The Sinner & The Saint

The Therapist.

Jaxon

I tried to get out of bed, the room was spinning, I had to sit back down, all I could do was suffer through these memories, they were never ending. 

So anyway, that day after my Christmas beating, the woman introduced herself as the school eductaion wellfare officer, she sat in the kitchen and talked to mom.
we werent allowed in there, as she was about to leave she came in to see me and Ezra, she saw the cut on Ezra's head. thats when the police turned up, we were soon at the hospital, his cut was infected.

I don't remember much of that day but I know we went back home with mom, they said they would help her sort herself out and that I would be put into therapy at school to help me. Apparently I was a pathological lie. Can you believe that?

'That's where I met the fucked up bitch that I wanted to foget ever existed' I thought to myself, I was so proud of myself for killing her when I turned 16 She was my first, and she deserved it felt amazing.

That day when I was little my mom told me that a women was going to pull me out of class to see if I was okay, and if I need someone to talk.
My mom warned me not to saying anything about the basement or the beatings, all the police knew was that mom was alcoholic and Ezra accidentally got hurt.

So the lady came to my class room, she asked if she could borrow me, I grabbed my bag and headed out the class room. "Hello my names Lacie Bailey" she smiled at me, I was shy at this point she was very pretty I remember thinking to myself.

As we sat down she started asking question's I answered the best I could trying not to get my mom into trouble..
"how old are you Jaxon?" She asked me.
"9 ma'am" I replied.
she smiled, "what's your brothers name.."
"Ezra , hes 5"
"Thank you Jaxon" she had said sweetly, "How did he get his cut on his face?"
I had to lie. "we was playing a game; it was aeroplanes and he ran into the table, it made me very sad."
she was jotting down everything I was saying, I felt safe with her, she had a lovely smile.. and smelt very nice too.
"what's your mommy's name?" She asked me.
"Debbie.."
She continued to ask me questions, I can't remember now what they were.
I do remember she  looked up from her note book every so often and gave me reassuring smiles.
"okay jaxon that's everything for now, I'll walk you back to class." She said at the end.

She seemed so nice and innocent didn't she.. But she wasn't that at all, the next memory to creep up on me was darker.

I was 12, I was in Lacies office again, we were just talking, about how I was feeling, like we always did.. By this point she knew my mom was a stripper, we had discussed that.
She had suddenly unbuttoned her shirt and showed me her bra, I didn't know what to do! She asked me if that was the kind of thing mom wore to work.
"I'm not sure ma'am" I replied, my child mind was confused.
"Pass me your hands and you can have a feel.." Lacie has said to me. I always obeyed adults. Especially at school.

Immediately I snapped out of my day dream, We all knew where this was going I didn't and wouldn't have to relive it.

The next time I saw her she got more and more inappropriate and by the time I was 12 and a half, I have unwilling lost my virginity to the women who was meant to protect me. Could you imagine seduced at 12 years of age! In your school of all places.

This carried on until I was 14 at which point I just stopped going to school, I started to home schooled Ezra.
I had met Bekah a year earlier and started helping her just cleaning tools and stuff at the morgue just to save money to get me and Ezra a place of our own as far away from Debbie as soon as possible. I used to hide it in the floor board under my bed.
I stayed as a weekend worker for Bekah until I turned 16, she helped me so much in that time, I couldn't believe I had killed her..

She was the reason I took out a student loan and got myself into college, I had picked my job because of Bekah, because she was nice to me and didn't want to hurt me, she never ever found out that she saved me, until the day I killed her she thought I hated her when really I owed my life to her.

So anyway, there I was at 16 years old, I had just rented a house, this house, the place I still live now, Debbie didn't think twice about letting me take Ezra, she just wanted him out of the way I suppose. I was happy, he was safe with me.

I saw the basement, it scared me, so many memories came back of how life was with Debbie, so I got some pretty pink wallpaper and paint.
I went down there and I painted it all pretty. Hung the wallpaper too, I put a bed down there, just because I had wished someone had given me a bed in the basement.
It was a lovely place to sit and chill and I had found myself spending a lot of time down there when Ezra was in bed.

I still had Lacies's number, I hated her for what she did to me.
So one day not long after moving in, I had text her, told her I had a place of my own with Ezra now, she was happy for me.
I told her the address and said she should come check it out, she did, the same night, no doubt in my mind what she was after.

I showed her around, she asked for a coffee, so I made her one. I told her about the basement and how I had made it nice, she wanted to see it so it took her down there, she started coming onto me and I was scared! I felt like that 12 year old boy again, I didn't want to go back to that.

I didnt want this to happen again, I pushed her off me but she fell into the wall, knocked herself out.
I remember I couldnt wake her up. I thought she was dead.
I ran out of the basement as fast as I could and locked it, sent Ezra to bed, he protested but he did as he was told.
I went to the living room and put music on, I could hear the basement door being pulled. she wasn't dead. fuck. I was somehow angry at the fact she was still alive after eveything she had put me through.

I got a glass of water, my aunt had sent us flowers as a house warming gift, I saw the plant food, I wanted to make Lacie sick so I put it in her drink.

I went back down to the basement, I gave her the water, said I was sorry, she said it was okay and drank her water.
We talked for a bit and she suddenly fell asleep. She wasn't asleep, she was dead. how?? It must have been the plant food. I was fucked. I didn't know what to do!

I dragged her to the living room and called an ambulance, said she came to visit me and had passed out. The paramedics had no reason not to believe me. The pronounced her dead in my living room that same night.

She was with Bekah the next day, Bekah couldnt find a cause of death, that's when I realised plant food wasnt tracable on a postmortem, Lacie was the first dead body I had seen, and the first woman I had killed, she was a first in a few ways for me.

A week later it was my mom, in the same draw, at the same morgue, she had been strangled while at work at the strip club.
As much as I wished it was my doing it wasn't, she had marks all over her body and I thought to myself "If I killed her, I wouldn't have marked her, I would have gave her plant food, and put her to bed, they would have thought it was an overdose."

I remember standing looking at my moms body and thinking to myself "Are these thoughts normal? Is there something seriously worng with me"

And THAT my friends, is how I became the man I am today.
I'm not telling you this story of my childhood for pity, I just want you to know that like any famous killer I was an innocent young child at one point in my life, its a shame my mom stole that from me at the tender age of 7.