First Love, The Sinner & The Saint

The Conversation.

Jaxon & Sofia

Sitting in my living room I looked at Sofia, she had her head down, she wouldn't look at me.

Jaxon was looking at me, I could feel his eyes on me. I kept my head down, if I looked at him he would know straight away.

I was loosing my patience with her, I knew she had done something wrong. "Look at me!" I snapped.

His voice made me jump. I couldn't just say no, I had to look at him.. I bit my lip and looked up, moving my eyes from his lips to his eyes. He was giving me a very dark look.

"why are you being so off with me today. Is everything okay?" I asked her calmly,  sitting down I waited  patently for a reply.

I froze at the question. He obviously knew "I fucked up" I said, tears steaming down my face. I looked away again, how could I have done this.

I knew straight away what she was about to say but I needed to hear it. "What do you mean you fucked up Sofia?" I asked her, hoping I was wrong.

I started to explain "When you took me to the restaurant last night, I felt very jealous of that woman, I saw her drink on the bar when I went to the toilet and I slipped a little something in."

'Fucking plant food' I thought to myself, I knew it.. "You know what you put in sofia, where did you get it? Was it mine?" if it was I was as much to blame.

"No.." I responded quietly "Well.. yes, I got it from the flowers you delivered to my door" I knew he hated me now, and I didn't blame him, I just hoped he wouldn't blame himself for this one.

I was furious with her,  I couldnt believe what I was hearing "If you get caught, I'm not gonna be there to help you out."  I said coldly, she could not rely on me with this one. I had too much to lose.

I decided to tell him everything "I went on the dark web and hired a hitman" I blunted out, I regretted it as soon as I said it, he must think I'm stupid now, poor little Sofia couldn't finish the job herself.

Silly girl, I couldn't help myself at that point I just burst out laughing. "How much did you pay him sweetheart? Because YOU killed her, he didnt even have to do anything."

'I killed her?' I thought to myself, oh shit, im a murderer. "I... I didn't mean to, I don't know what happened" I tried to get closer to him. I wanted some sort of comfort, to know he was still there for me.

I pulled away, I couldn't be near her right now, who was this girl. I didn't know anymore,  she was not the girl I had fallen in love with. " I dont know you Sofia"  was all I could say.

That hurt, more than he could possibly imagine, 'he did know me, he can't give up on me' I thought to myself. But just replied with "It was a mistake Jaxon, I'm sorry"

"A mistake that ended someones life Sofia, you cant afford to make them kind of mistakes." I said to her. My heart bled for her, but I just couldn't have her turn into me.

I knew there was no way back from this, he hated me, and he had every right to, I needed to get out of there.

I knew there was no coming back from this, she had done something I never saw my sweet little sofia doing,  I needed her to leave right now.  I knew it was an accident and I had done it myself a long time ago.. I couldn't have her becoming me.

I got out of my seat, I took one last look around the house, the house we should have shared together.. I walked to the door, this was it, this was goodbye.

She got out of her seat, she looked around, I wanted so much more for us than this. I walked in front of her and opened the door for her, I knew this was goodbye.

I walked out the door, I wanted to tell him I was sorry and I loved him, but that didnt matter now. I wanted to scream in his face that he had done so much worse, but that didn't matter either, nothing would undo what I did.

She walked out of the door, I wanted to pull her back and tell her it was okay, that I loved her and I forgave her, but I couldn't. I didnt want her to turn into me, she was worth so much more than that... she had her whole life ahead of her.