Blaze

The 50th

I drift through the cars of the train aimlessly. Somehow I end up in my room or maybe it's a room. They all look the same, there's no personal touch to it, nothing that has my name on it. I don't want to see it written anywhere anyways, not after hearing it read back to me at the reaping.

I'm staring out the window watching the trees and bushes rush by meaninglessly. I'm trying to get my mind to wander but there's nowhere for it to go. It keeps getting rerouted back to the games, back to my family and my goodbyes. I guess I was more lost in thought then I thought I was though because I don't even hear the whoosh of the door as it opens.

"We'll write to them." Peeta's voice startles me and I jump back, clutching the edge of the window. "I'm sorry." He murmurs taking a step forward.

"It's fine." I mumble staring at the ground. I don't want to look into those blue eyes of his, I might just break. Peeta reaches out and touches my arm, trailing his fingers down it lightly.

"We can have Haymitch deliver them. If they need delivering." I close my eyes and do a deep intake of breath.

"Stop." I all but whisper. When I open my eyes Peeta has about the same pained look I imagine I'm wearing.

"Look, only one of us is getting out of this alive.." I stop him.

"You. You're getting out alive." Peeta looks a bit startled.

"Me?" He questions. I nod my head, not wanting to proclaim my death sentence out loud. Peeta shook his head. "No, you're getting out." He said softly pulling me away from the window so we can sit on the bed. I shake my head, pursing my lips. "What makes you think I'll live? All I do is bake bread." I don't reply and Peeta stiffens. "You made a deal with Haymitch didn't you?"

"Is that so wrong?" I finally let out, exasperated.

"I made a deal with Haymitch." He states. That's when I look up at him, my eyes narrowed.

"No, Peeta.." I begin.

"He can only keep his promise to one of us."

"You." I say forcefully. "You win." I insist. Peeta shakes his head.

"I don't want to win. What do I have when I go back there?"

"Your family." I reply immediately.

"When was the last time you saw me with them?" He fires back. I open my mouth but I'm unable to relay an answer. I close my mouth. "I only live for you." My heart flutters as I look back up at him. Before I can meet his eyes though his lips come crashing down on mine. Suddenly I'm running my fingers through his hair and his arms are around my waist. I'm suddenly reminded of last night. Was it only last night? "You're really red." Peeta murmurs and I can feel him smile. When I open my eyes though, his are closed.

"How can you tell?" I whisper back, as I shift up onto his lap. Peeta smiles again.

"I can feel how warm you are." That makes me shiver.

There's a knock at the door and we're torn apart. Effie steps in and finds us sitting on the bed a little breathless and slightly startled. "Dinner." She says softly, cheeks a bit pinker than usual like she knew we had been kissing. As soon as she exits Peeta and I burst into laughter.

Dinner is quiet and a little tense. Effie and I try for a little conversation but nothing lasts much beyond the shorthand I've reserved for Effie and the people of the Capitol like commenting on their hair or what they're wearing. For me, today it's Effie's hair which is a shimmering gold color. It was just orange the other day. "I like you hair Effie. Why gold?" I question. Effie pats it with a small smile.