Birthdaypresent(s) [Broshler]

Upside down

Little rays of sunshine seeped through the half opened curtain in the bedroom. The three all had breakfast together before Tyler had to leave for work, while Josh and Brendon had the day off. Without any motivation to do anything, they sauntered up the stairs again and crawled into bed. Sweatpants and hoodies thrown on the floor, on top of the pile of fancy clothes laying there from when Brendon took them all off last night, as promised.

"Bren?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
Brendon chuckled as he threaded his fingers through josh's hair, just because of the randomness of the statement. Before his reply, Josh continued.
"I feel like i haven't really said it for so long because i didn't want Tyler to feel bad or uncomfortable if i only said it to you. But i love you.. and more each day."

Brendon hummed again, pulling himself closer. "You're right", he confirmed kissing Josh right after. "I love you my pretty baby", he said teasingly as his fingers slid under Josh's shirt. "I love you."
"And you love Tyler", Josh added as a chill ran down his spine from Brendon's cold fingers on his warm skin.
"I do."
Josh couldn't help but smile as he tilted his head back for Brendon's lips on his jaw traveling down to his throat. Hearing Brendon say he did love Tyler yesterday had surprised him a bit, he hadn't expected Brendon to say it just yet. But god did he love it. His insides warmed up just by the idea itself.

As Brendon's hand traveled down lower, pushing the waistband back and slid into his underwear he was overwhelmed with how much he still felt connected with Brendon, he still felt one, even now Tyler was theirs too. Nothing in their dynamic had changed other than it was strengthened by sharing their love for someone else too, and receiving it in return.

His fingers dug into Brendon's biceps when he had finally kicked his underwear off and he let Brendon's fingers do whatever they pleased. For a short while his mind went to Tyler and he did miss him, but when their lips had returned back together and Brendon's fingers intruded him, he let Brendon fully take over his mind and body.

**

"Babe?"
"Hmm?" The eldest answered softly, as he nuzzled his face into Joshs chest.
"Have you... have you ever thought about getting married?"

"Absolutely." Brendon confirmed without any hesitation.
"In general? Or me?"

"Both."
"You would?" Josh blushed.
"With you? In a heartbeat babe, no doubt." Brendon scooted back to be able to catch Joshs gaze. "Really?" Josh wondered softly.

"You want to know something?" Brendon asked as he crawled back up a little, so he could just look at Josh properly while talking. Josh just nodded, cheeks dusted in a soft blush. His eyes shimmered in the indirect sunlight.

"Believe it or not, I was actually planning to propose and thinking about how and when... But then this little plot twist with Tyler happened. Which is good but it did slightly interrupt my plan."
Josh couldn't help the smile on his lips hearing what Brendon just said. Maybe it shouldn't be surprising Brendon would possibly want to marry him, but he actually had plans? Actual plans to ask him to be his husband? Wow.

"Wow... we could've been engaged. I'd be your fiancé", Josh dreamed out loud, without realizing touching his ring finger. "Can you imagine?"

And Brendon could imagine. He'd been thinking about it for a while, but for whatever reason it never seemed like fully the right time to actually make the move. He had been looking for a ring but never made it to the point of actually buying one. There seemed to be no rush, but when they met Tyler, his plans got 'on hold.'

If he was fully honest, now, Brendon wished he had proposed to Josh before they had met Tyler. Not because it would mean even more love between the two, but it felt like it could've been something that would've connected them on a whole new level, even when still expanding their relationship. Especially when their new dynamic had made both of them insecure, unsure of their future, even when both never had the slightest intentions to leave.

And once things evolved with Tyler, it was impossible to ask this commitment from Josh. It just wouldn't be right, and with that, marriage was slowly pushed out the picture. And just because there wasn't really an option for marriage in a polyamorous relationship at all, he sometimes regretted not having taken the plunge before.

But obviously none of them could've known this was in store for them, and both were happy on the path were on now.

Josh had been watching Brendon as he hadn't replied and seemed lost in thoughts. Maybe Josh wasn't as good in reading people as Brendon was, he knew his boyfriend good enough to guess where his mind had gone.

"You regret not proposing before.. you know, we met Ty?" He asked carefully, fingertips caressing Brendon's cheeks to get his attention back carefully.
"Regret.." Brendon sighed softly. "I think regret is a bit too harsh.. But yeah, i can't deny i sometimes wish i had before we went down this road."
Josh nodded softly, not exactly sure what to say other than a soft "I understand."

And he really did understand. For whatever reason, he knew he felt the exact same way about it as Brendon did. Knowing there was no way to get married, if they would want to one day, in their current relationship was a little disheartening. But he agreed only getting married to Brendon now was not right. He wasn't sure what else to say, but could see Brendon's mind still trailing off into who-knows-where.

"Ring and legal documents or not, i'll always be yours babe", Josh then answered after a while. "I would've loved to be your husband, but it won't change anything else". He just wanted to reassure Brendon. "I just want you to be happy, and i hope you are even when things went in a different direction than expected."

Brendon smiled softly, nodding. "I have two boyfriends to love on, how could i not be."

***

Tyler sat down on his old couch with a sigh, eyes looking around his apartment. He really, really started to hate it more and more. It was as if each little thing reminded him of a time he once named 'his new start' but now thought of as an 'inbetween' time.

He remembered watching the yellowish wallpaper that was dried out and torn at the corners, when he first moved here, feeling somewhat content. His hideaway. His safe place. His place of nowhere, where he was nobody. It seemed to fit.

Now, looking at that same torn up wallpaper he felt that. Nowhere and a nobody. But as much as it had numbed him then, or maybe comforted him even, now it saddened him more than anything. He really had been nobody here. And he still would've been if it wasn't for two specific humans pulling him right out of the hell he kept himself in.

Yeah he couldn't deny disliking being here. Once an escape, a place where he was fine with not existing, but now.. not anymore. Because lately, he actually liked to exist. A lot. Which was for the first time in all his life. Sad? Yeah, definitely, but better late then never. He sighed again as he pushed himself off the couch and dragged himself to the washing machine. A soft smile on his face thinking about the reason he liked existing was quickly wiped off when he pulled off the handle of the door to the bathroom. "Fuck", he muttered as he dropped his laundry and tried to 'fix' the handle to at least be able to open the door.

Fixed would be too great of a compliment, but it seemed to work, as long as he was careful and slow. He hated this damn place, but for whatever reason it only seemed logical to be here because well... he actually lived here.

With an annoyed sigh he stuffed his shirts and other laundry in the washing machine and got it ready to start. He pushed the button for to start and nothing happened. Not a light, not a noise, nothing. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He tried once more, twice, but nothing. He didn't even bother getting his stuff out and left, crashing into the bed.

Everything in this place hated him, wanted him to not exist. The yellow wallpaper, the cold damp air, the broken door, the broken washing machine, everything gross and old and worn down hated him and wanted him gone. And when he was here, he wanted that too. To be gone from here.