Birthdaypresent(s) [Broshler]

Made for this

Warning: mentioning unconsential sexual activity and violence.
Stay safe guys, consent is key ❤️

(Tyler's POV)

He hadn't even moved for a few hours now. Well, apart from the involuntarily shivering of his body. Trembling in the silence, face deadly pale and chapped lips slowly turning blue from the cold.

He didnt even really know if his eyes were open or closed, he was in complete darkness, physically as well as mentally. Back in that old, familiar darkness he tried to say farewell to for a long time now.

All there was right now was the water slowly dripping from the tap in a constant rythm.

Another failure.

He was a failure.

He fucked everything up.

Without making a sound tears drizzled down his face into bathwater that had gone icy cold by now. He wasn't crying. He hated crying. He didnt cry. Ever. He wasn't worth to cry over. Right now salty water just escaped his face and he ignored and denied the fact that it happened.

He squeezed his eyes shut, but flinched because of the pain it caused.

Last night was a nightmare. An absolute fucking nightmare and Tyler wasn't sure why he had even thought before it was a good idea.

They went out for dinner first, which wasn't too bad. The guy, Tom, mostly spoke about himself anyway. He was tall, musculair, a blonde buzzcut and distracting green eyes.
Tyler already noticed that he was hugely interested by the fact that Tyler had a history with drugabuse. Ofcourse he didnt know anything specifically, Tyler never really told his story, definitely not to a random guy. But he might have accidently told too much, that he had a past with drugs, when they got a little too drunk on a after-work-drink.

Was he comfortable? No. But ever since he met Josh and Brendon he just... had that craving. For someone. Love? And he knew very well it wasn't for him, but they sparked that stupid need. And maybe any random dude would make the feeling disappear. Even if it was just a for an hour or two.

He had always been able to block that feeling. He grew up without knowing it. He wasn't meant for love, he didnt need anyone. He would be on his own, getting through this life, until he died and that was it. He didnt deserve hugs, didnt need them, he didnt need sweet kisses, he didnt need to be taken care of. Or just to be cared for... right?

Well, surprise, surprise! He did need it. Now he saw what it could be like, he needed that. And he was still sure he'd never get it, and that made the fact he couldn't push away the craving anymore even worse. It ached, it ate him alive. And as he had always said, it drives a human insane. And that, unfortunately, appeared to be true.

——

After dinner they went to a bar Tyler didnt know. What he did know wad that Tom was constantly pushing drinks in his hands, encouraging him to drink, drink, drink. And he did. For a long time. To lose those nerves.

They ended up in a bathroom somehow. And Tom's hands were everywhere on his skin, and so were his lips. All Tyler could think of was how much he hated this feeling and how disgusting he felt. But this was who he was, this was what he knew. He was a toy. To play around with until your bored, ten leave it to be abandoned.

Then, out of nowhere he thought about Josh. And Brendon. And as his pants were unzipped and a hand slipped into them, he saw their faces. He closed his eyes, taking distance from what was happening.
He remembered Josh's hands, Brendon's lips. Their soft smiles. Josh's arms around him. Warm. Gentle. Caring. Careful.