Aphotic ✔️

chapter 76- letting go

"starting a family" he looked up at me with uncertain eyes as if scared of my answer.

"aren't we too young for that?" i spoke sucking a deep breath in. 

This, this is the part where i want to run away once again. The feeling i thought i had eliminated making it's way inside my heart again.

"Whenever we're ready...of course not now"

silence

"fuck i don't know what i'm saying" he cursed shaking his head, now averting his eyes elsewhere.

"you're also scared" i spoke recognizing the look in his eyes, he wasn't comfortable about the subject of future yet, neither was i.

but why did he suddenly bring it up? we both loved each other with whatever definition of love we knew and i had no idea about the future, one thing that i'm sure of is that i want to love him until i can, until all i can give and understand. 

"why did you suddenly bring this up when you're uncomfortable yourself?" i asked him again as he stared into the distance unable to say a thing.

"what are you hiding arron? i know you this much by now" i crawled over to him my own feet dangling off the bed now.

He remained silent a complex and unreadable expression on his face. 

I sighed joining him now staring in the distance.

"why can't you still tell me anything?" my voice wavered unintentionally.

He turned to look at me, opening his mouth just to close it again.

"is something wrong? you know i'll help you" i furrowed my eyebrows worried about him, it's scary how he can still go on like nothing happened after so much has.

"you can tell me anyth-" i was cut off by his lips on mine, his hand holding the side of my face. 

His lips molded against mine ever so softly as i eventually closed my eyes kissing him back.

He pulled away my lower lip lingering between his.

"iris i-"

"I've...because of me" he gulped his tears back his words making no sense.

"Arron-"

he closed his eyes mustering all his courage.

"The gun, your wound-"

"i don't blame you for it i already told you" I exclaimed in a confident tone trying to calm him down.

"you should! It kills me more that you're not blaming me!" he suddenly yelled as tears filled my eyes.

"why are you doing this to me arron? All i'm trying is to help you" my voice cracked as a tear left my eye.

"Because of that fucking wound you may not ever be able to have a baby!" he stood up in frustration blurting out the words.

I froze, my body, my senses, my soul...my whole being froze. 

"w-what are..." i stood up slowly, realizing what has happened.

"iris..." he reached out to me his face showing clear regret about what he said earlier.

"is that why you suddenly bought the future up?" i cried examining his face through my blurry vision.

"no-" he bought his hands up to my shoulder as i yanked them away before he could even touch me.

"do you pity me now? do you feel obligated to marry me since no one else will!?" i screamed, tears overflowing my eyes.