Sarcasm | Five Hargreeves

3 | you owe klaus twenty bucks

"What's the date? The exact date," Five sighed warily, setting a chopping board down on the kitchen table.

"March 24th, 2019," Vanya responded softly, fingers fidgeting as she regarded Five from across the table.

The siblings were gathered in the kitchen, a mix of astonishment and apprehension lingering in the air following Five's sudden return after fifteen inexplicable years lost in the future. Yet, Five himself seemed oddly nonchalant about the whole affair, as if being marooned in time for nearly two decades had left him unfazed.

"Ah, good," Five remarked casually, grabbing two slices of bread from the dwindling loaf.

"So, are we gonna talk about what just happened," Luther interjected, his patience wearing thin as Five methodically assembled his sandwich. "Is Y/N going to be okay?"

Five remained silent, his focus on his sandwich preparation seeming to irk Luther further.

"It's been 15 years," he yelled, standing up abruptly and knocking his chair over.

Five scoffed, meeting Luther's glare with one of his own. "It's been a lot longer than that."

With a spatial jump, Five traversed the room and retrieved marshmallows from the cupboard, making everyone jump in alarm at the bright blue zap of energy.

"I haven't missed that," Luther muttered, righting his chair and seating himself again.

"Where'd you go," Diego questioned bluntly.

"The future. It's shit, by the way," Five replied offhandedly, returning to the table with another spatial jump.

"Called it," Klaus smirked, punching a fist into the air in giddiness. "Y/N owes me 20 bucks."

"I don't think Y/N's up for that right now," Diego mumbled.

A silence loomed over the kitchen as everybody recalled the woman's, rather girl's, shock at looking at her reflection and seeing her 17 year old self staring back at her. After she got hit with the vortex, she came back 15 years younger, a pre-adult. Barely old enough to even buy alcohol.

"I should have listened to the old man," Five mused aloud, as if he were talking to himself. "You know, jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is another toss of the dice."

"Nice dress," Five remarked, looking down at Klaus's attire.

"Oh, well, danke," Klaus laughed drowsily, itching his neck.

"Wait, so how did you get back," Vanya inquired, breaking the tense silence.

"In the end I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time."

"That makes no sense," Diego retorted skeptically.

"Well, it would if you were smarter," Five shrugged.

Diego got up threateningly but Luther put an arm up front preventing Diego from doing anything harmful.

"How long were you there," Luther questioned.

"Forty years. Give or take."

"So what are you saying? That you're 58?"

"I came back here in the same body I left in, so physically, I'm around 17 or 18. The noggin, however, is almost twice your age." Five said, tapping his head.

"But...how does that even work," Vanya asked, a pike of genuine curiosity tinted in her voice.

"Delores kept saying the equations were off. Eh," Five picked up his sandwich and took a bite out of it. "Bet she's laughing now."