The Dusk Gallery | Taehyung x BTS

12 Years Later

Thirty-five hours before he decided to die, Taehyung was sitting on the couch of his really crappy one bedroom apartment. It was such a small space that he didn't even know how he managed to manoeuvre himself around it. The bed was a small double, pushed up against the wall by a massive window that faced the streets of Seoul.

In that same room he had a little table with two chairs which he basically never used but it made him feel like it was more of an 'actual' home.

The living room was tiny too. A couch. A little coffee table. A small TV. A painting hanging behind it.

A sigh escapes past his lips as Taehyung scrolls through his social media, looking at the happy lives people are living. Happiness that he is definitely not experiencing himself.

He doesn't know where he went wrong in life really. What was the main cause of him feeling the way he did. Was it when he came out to his parents and his father basically up and left?

Was it his lack of self motivation which led him to not achieving anything special in life in his 27 years on this earth?

Was it his lack of friends and love?

Was it the choices he regrets not making or the wrong ones he did make in his younger years?

Honestly they could all account for why he was feeling as crappy as he had been for the last number of years.

So as he sat in his apartment, all alone, looking at other peoples travelling photos, family pictures, pictures of vineyards and mountains and beaches, photos of beautiful homes and pets, he only found himself wallowing more in the misery.

It became a bad habit. Looking at what other people had and comparing himself to them. He had so many lost opportunities. That much he knew. But he couldn't change the past. He couldn't go back and change the stuff he wished he could.

He couldn't turn back time to change his University Degree. To choose the one he really wanted to do.

He couldn't go back and not tell his parents that he was gay.

He couldn't go back and say yes to that really cute guy who asked him out for a coffee that one time.

What would have happened if he made different choices?

Would his life be drastically different? Would he be happier than he is now? Surely anything would be better than sitting alone at home on a Thursday morning, with absolutely nothing to do but waiting for time to pass.

He worked sure. But it's not like he enjoyed what he did. The job had absolutely nothing to do with his degree or even what he loved. Which was art. He loved drawing, loved painting. He loved visiting museums and art galleries but honestly? The last time he went, even looking at beautiful works from his favourite artists didn't get his heart speeding the way it used to.

Like it did when he was young.

And honestly, the one thing Taehyung craved the most was human affection. Someone to love, and someone who he could devote himself to. He had one boyfriend once. For like a week. It didn't work out for a multitude of reasons.

That's one thing he definitely didn't regret ending.

But he was alone. His father didn't speak to him.

His mother well, she did. But she lived back in Daegu and he barely saw her. His cousin kept up contact with him on a monthly basis but they did seem to lose that closeness as they grew older.

It was Taehyung's fault really. His sadness had gotten quite bad, to the point that he became like a hermit crab. Home all the time unless something needed to be done. Like the weekly food shop or going to work.

He didn't make the effort. He only has himself to blame for the life he is leading. This loveless life.

The sad thing is Taehyung had so much love to offer. He knew that. If he had found that one person, his person, he would feel so much love and show so much of it back. He wanted to be loved. He yearned to be able to show his affection to someone else. But he has never done anything to change this.

Too sad.

Too lazy.

Too nothing.