saved | e.d.

39

regret.

regret regret regret.

but i would never tell him.

i regret every single thing i did last night. every thing i let grayson do. i regret it so much. i know i shouldnt but i do.

also for you information, it hurt like an absolute bitch. i didn't even really get to feel that good. sadly i'd have to rate this a solid 6/10 experience.

graysons amazing and maybe it was just me. or my insanely horrible guilt that i feel.

could be that. who knows.

this morning we both woke up and got ready to sit in a gang wide meeting. with the exception of ethan of course. sadly.

as soon as the both of us were ready, we walked down the stairs and met everyone at the table.

well grayson walked. i waddled. ouch.

hayes made breakfast to the best of his abilities and everyone gave us annoyingly smirky looks. seems like everyone and their stupid mother knew what we did last night.

and i feel so dirty about it.

i never used to care about sex either. i did it all the time when i was in highschool. but for some reason, i care now.

that reason being his twin brother.

-

the meeting went okay, with the exception of the few jokes about grayson and i hooking up.

after that we headed down to the hospital to see ethan as we promised yesterday. neither of us have spoken about last nights events and i don't really know if we will.

i know for a fact we won't speak of it in front of ethan, even if he's unconscious and can't hear us. i could never do that.

the car ride to the hospital was awkward and even the music being turned up because i "like that song" wasn't enough.

we both sat quietly in the hospital room with ethan until the doctors came in to check his vitals and give us update.

we sparked small talk over the information the doctor had just given us until the conversation well ran dry. again.

"can we talk in the hall?" grayson asked. i nodded and opened the door.

"what's up?" i ask already knowing.

"you know what's up lex...why is everything weird?" grayson asks. he sounds nervous and if i say the wrong thing i know this boy would feel hurt.

"i don't know....i think everything is difficult right now and things are tricky. plus this is new territory." i said referring to him and i.

"was it bad or something?" he asked. oh god. this is one of those moments where a girl can absolutely crush a mans ego. i would never do that to him. what's a small lie anyway?

"no no no! it wasn't bad, it had just been a while for me and i had to get used to it again." i said. i didn't completely lie.....?????

"why didnt you tell me? i would've understood." he says stepping closer.

"i know, i'm sorry. i wasn't thinking in the moment. well i was just not about how long it's been." i said.

to be fair i should've told him. he would've probably made things better on me and it wouldn't been so painful. that was probably the reason things just didn't click.

now i feel like complete shit.

"hey how about we go have a night in downtown and rent a hotel? we can have do over?" i offer.

"deal" he says hugging me. i lean up to kiss his lips lightly and smile.

maybe everything will be alright.

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A/N: filler chapter kinda. i need to set up for the next main part i'm sorry.

also they're cute and all, but no♥️

VOTE <3