saved | e.d.

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ETHAN POV

she looked at me practically begging for me to say something that's told her 'no i didn't do that'. but of course i couldn't lie to her. especially not after i already had been.

"why? you're my best friend...and i care about you so fucking much—why lie to me and put me through that?" she asked. i could see her eyes glossing over as her voice began to shake.

"i-" i stopped and thought for a second. something i've been failing to do recently. if i say 'i panicked because i'm viscously jealous of you and my brother' things would be even worse than they are now.

"im sorry lex. i panicked." is all i said which was t a total lie.

"panicked? panicked why? what did i do?" she asked truly looking for the answer.

"you didn't-" i took a deep breath and remained calm. "you didn't do anything. i just....i saw how much had changed without me and i freaked out." i admitted.
(A/N: LMAO maaaaaan he screwed up)

"so let me get this straight. you woke up and completely remembered everything, decided in a split second 'mmmm i'm gonna fake memory loss but only if alex' and all because things changed?" her voice was practically a waterfall full of anger and bite.

"lex..." i started.

"NO! you don't..." she takes a deep breath turning around and raking her hand through her hair. once she lets her breath out, she turns around with her hands pressed together infront of her lips.

"you don't get to speak right now. you let me think i was a complete stranger. like all the history we had and all the times we truly connected was lost. I SAT ON THIS COUCH FULL DAYS ZONED OUT AND MENTALLY GONE BECAUSE I COULDNT HANDLE THE FACT THAT I WAS NOTHING TO YOU ANYMORE." she paused to take a shaky breath while tears fell.

"and not to mention you chose me. you remembered every single person who lives in this house except me. you remembered the time you got shot and blaine and everything except me. WHAT DID I DO ETHAN?" she yelled pretty much over my bullshit.

i took another deep breath trying with everything in me to stay calm. i shook my head slightly really forcing down the urge to get mad and yell back.

because believe it or not we are both hurt here.

"what. did. i. do." she came closer to me and seethed with a low voice and gritted teeth. i saw grayson wrap his hand around her arm and the other around her waist. probably to keep her from lunging at me.

but i still wished it was me.

i got even closed to her face.

and now i'm livid.

"YOU HOOKED UP WITH MY BROTHER AND FELL IN LOVE WHILE I WAS IN A FUCKING COMA. I HEARD YOU A FEW NIGHTS BEFORE THE MISSION. I HEARD YOU TELL HIM YOUR FEELINGS. AND THEY WERE ABOUT ME. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I FELT THE FUCKING SAME." i backed away slightly and angrily ran my hand down my face.

"ALL MY COMA DREAMS, MY ALTERNATE COMA REALITIES THEY WERE ABOUT ME AND YOU. SO YEAH, I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. BECAUSE I WOKE UP FROM THE PERFECT LIFE TO SEE YOU IN LOVE WITH MY FUCKING BROTHER." i stood up and promptly walked my ass out the fucking door.

ALEX POV

i heard the door slam shut but i was still staring in front of me. i was literally speechless.

what the hell?

i turned to look at grayson whos hands found there way off of me and into his pockets. he was also standing much further away then i remembered. his eyes wouldn't look into mine.

i turned fully around and he finally looked at me.

"i felt guilty. ever since we got together. because i remember every word you used when you told me that you felt something for him. and then you got with me." he paused and stepped closer. "i don't regret a single second of what you and i have or had, but i know what he just said is going to change things." he finished speaking and blinked away the gloss forming on his eyes.

"gray...i'm with you. i chose you. he just did one of the most painful, psychotic things i've ever seen to me." i stepped closer bringing my hands up to softly cup his face. "i know what i said 5 months ago. i remember too. i'm sorry if that made you feel guilty." i searched his eyes for something until he spoke.

his hands reached up and softly grabbed mine, pulling them off. "alex you know i love you. and i'm not doubting that you love me too. but you had feelings for him first. and putting the fucked up shit aside, because you won't be mad at him forever, what he said IS going to change things." he let go of my hands and cupped my face.

"you need to talk to him. preferably at a lower volume." he joked and chuckled.

"you're right. although i'm disgusted right now i won't feel like that forever. especially considering he got shot because he stopped to save me." i pang of guilt surged through my body and i close my eyes.

"i'm gonna go find him okay? him and i need to speak as well. we're gonna all be fine okay?" grayson said reassuringly. i nodded and he turned to walk out the door.

time to do self assessing i guess...?

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A/N: WOOO CHILE we gonna have to dig ourselves out of this mess

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