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ETHANS POV

grayson comes back into the room with a pale and blank face. damn i really fucked up.

"gray? are you okay?" i asked.

"uh....yeah i'm fine. just alex isnt." he says with his head in his hands.

"alex is your new girlfriend?" i asked pushing down the urge to wreck this entire room in anger. i wouldn't though, because i'm too weak and because i want grayson to be happy.

"sort of new. it was a little bit after she had woken up and finally be transitioned out of the hospital. you were still in a coma. i'm sorry man" he apologizes. he- he what- he knew?

"sorry for what?" i asked.

"sorry because i feel guilty in a way. i don't know" he said sighing and standing up. i watched him kind of pace and i spoke again.

"stop pacing and tell me what i've missed." i said.

"well what's the last thing you remember?" he asks. oh. well of course the last thing i remember is getting shot in the head, but i couldn't say that now.

"oh um...." i struggled to think of something but it probably looked like i was just trying really hard to remember. it needs to be before i met alex. so what the hell happened before i knew who alex was?

"i remember going out for a walk after the monthly business dinner with the fbi guys." i answered.

wait fuck that's the night alex followed me. fuck fuck fuck.

"what else? because apparently a lot happened that night." grayson tried to push me in the direction of alex slowly.

"i don't remember anything after leaving the house." i said. he looked disappointed and i absolutely hated doing that to him.

"you met alex that night" he said lowly. he didn't want to help me remember but knew it was the right thing to do. he's a good brother. i'm such a bad one right now.

"i- i did?" i ask getting nervous.

"yeah. she followed you and you caught her in an alleyway." he started to explain.

apparently the doctor had informed him not to force too much into my brain because it's "damaged" or whatever so he didn't tell me much.

i want to ask him how serious him and alex were. i don't know why but i wanna know. even if it tears me apart.

-

a few days later

i was stuck at this stupid hospital until i had enough strength to be safe, which to be fair made sense. i just didn't want to be here anymore. i'd been here for a long time according to the nurses and grayson.

alex hasn't come back to see me since the day i woke up. i don't blame her.

i could've handled it differently but i freaked out and for some reason my brain went straight to amnesia. but fake amnesia. dumbass.

-

ALEX POV

i sat in front of the tv staring at the screen blankly. it looked like i was focused on the tv but in reality i was staring off into the abyss thinking about ethan and how seriously not okay everything was.

i had forgotten where i was until i felt the couch dip beside me. i blinked a few times and turned my head. grayson had gotten home i guess and i was so far gone i didn't even notice.

i'm not drunk or high or anything, but mentally i'm just not here.

"alex....you were in this exact same position when i left this morning. it's night time now.....please talk to me." he said worried.

"it hurts" is all i said before my eyes practically skipped welling up and shedding a few, and went straight to niagara falls on my face.

grayson pulled me into him softly and held me while i cried.

what the hell do we do now?

———
A/N: i've been super focused on internet friends recently so i've been behind on updating saved im so sorry

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