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liked by billieeilish and 13,374 others mtvsevenamp: BLEAUPRO OUT NOW the comments have been turned off.
ive still been crying, there really hasn't been a day that i haven't. i continue to go back to billies pictures, go to our instagram messages, and everything else involving us and it just makes me cry. ill stare at them for hours on end and just sit in the dark and sob.
me and my sister have just been hanging out, she literally won't leave me side because she knows this is a vulnerable time for me.
"sahar, do you still wanna go to the christmas thingy?" nessia asks me.
"yea, sure." i say. "when?"
"today." she says.
"what time?" i ask her as i type away on my computer.
"uhh i don't know." she says.
"let me just finish a few more assignments for school and then yea." i say.
"okay." she says. "im gonna go do my makeup."
"okay." i say.
• 1:28 pm
im now done doing my work and ive been trying to look for something to wear but i can't find anything.
"sahar, do you wanna get a beer after?!" she asks me.
"i cant-" wait, im not with billie anymore. "never mind, yea!" i yell back.
"okay!" she says.
if you wondering why im always going to bars even though im seventeen, it's because we always go to the same one and the owner thinks im pretty and that he's gonna get into my pants (which he most definitely won't) so he doesn't say anything and even gives us free drinks sometimes, and im not gonna stop him.
i find a grinch colored sweater and beanie while pairing it with some jeans.
one im done i quickly jump in the shower then change. nessia gives me the directions and we make our way to the place.
