Bad Blood

Broken

It was dark, very dark.... It was quiet, I could only hear a clock tick away the seconds and minutes of my broken mind. I had no clue of time and I didn't want to know. I just wanted to disappear into the darkness and pretend this was all a horrible dream. I wanted to keep the silence and numbness but every time I felt like I could sink away in the darkness of my mind, the lies, pain and hurt would claw at my troat.

A burning in my chest a pain in my heart I couldn't describe. It was like I was grieving myself and the life I thought was mine. A lump in my troat that made it hard to breath. Burning eyes with tears unshed, threatening to spill if I would even blink my eyes. I did not want them to fall. I don't want to feel this pain I just wanted to not feel. Could I please go back to when I was still was a scared Genny and on the run. I would pick that over this easily. Just thinking about the old me made me breakdown. It hurt so much that I felt my heart shatter. It was to much.. I was gasping for air and clawing at my chest to try and get it out. I heard a loud cry and sobbing not even realising that I was making the sound. I have never cried with sound in my life it was a weird thing so I started to laugh cry. I was laughing at myself for the sound I made and crying for my broken life.

The door slammed against the wall and a tall man was standing in the door frame. My eyes where to blurry to even try to figure out who this was. If he was here to hurt me it was all good with me. I would not have to feel anymore if he killed me. It would all be silent then. I welcomed the thought for a moment before I pushed it away. He walked towards me and climbed into the bed and pulled me into a tight embrace. He was stroking my hair while rocking me softly in his strong arms. I clutched his shirt and cried for all of it. All that I lost and gained and things I wasn't even aware I was feeling. After a while my eyes were out of tears and I had calmed my breathing to the point that once in a while I would have a shaky inhale or exhale. He was still holding me even though I had soaked his shirt with my tears. I was empty, I had cried out all my feelings and I was numb just like I wanted to be. He was still rocking me softly and I felt his lips brush against my temple. I become aware of the fact that I felt safe, I was safe here in this embrace. I felt....I was feeling again. I wanted to pull away but he hugged me to him tighter and moved us in comfortable position. I was straddling him now and had my hands clutched at the fabric on his back and he had a hand on my lower back rubbing it in circles and his other one was cradling my head to his shoulder. His lips brushed my forehead and I felt his warm breath. Strangely I felt like his breath was warming my insides. Like he was filling a void I wasn't aware I was having. He kept me from shattering completely. It felt like he could heal me. He could heal this broken heart of mine.

My breathing slowed down and the tensions left me. I felt a calmness fill me and I relaxed my grip on him. He moved us again so that we were lying down on the bed and he had pulled me on top of him. He was still rubbing my back soothingly and I felt goosebumps rise on my skin. He wrapped the blankets around us and we just laid there in silence. I felt at peace with him here and that was weird, but I did not want to burst this bubble. This was a safe haven and I wanted it to last for a while longer. His fingers were stroking up and down my neck softly. He had moved my hair to one side and was just softly stroking the sensitive skin he had bared. It filled me with tingles and I felt my heart fill up with warmth. A sensation so foreign to me yet something I could not live without now that I had found it. I felt safe, warm, content and loved.... Was this love? Was I in love?! I slowly pulled away and sat up while straddling the stranger that made me feel....all these things. His hand where resting on my upper thighs while he was looking at me. "What is happening to me?" I asked him softly