Chaos High

Lesson Twenty-Three

Less Perfection-Chasing And More Self-Trust

"Riker, I think I fucked up."

Three days have past and what I said to Holly has been eating away at me since. It's constantly on my mind. It kept replying the situation in my head and the outcomes that could happen from my actions. Most of the time the odds were against me which was putting me on edge.

The odds were always meant to be in my favour before I made a move.

I wasn't stupid I did have things over Holly I could use against her but the information wasn't enough. I didn't have enough on her to truly listen to my words when she got back to me. I had told her to come looking for me when she found out about Nisha. I wanted her to find information for me but that meant I needed something to make her give me that information. What I had wasn't enough for what she could give me.

Only I had gotten cocky and took it a step to far. I didn't need what ever she had to offer I had all the eyes I needed and with the plan to bust Xavier out she wasn't needed.

I just did something that could blow everything up in my face royally and for what? Just because she has a way of getting under my skin over things so stupid. If that woman knew the power she truly had over me we would be in a even more dangerous situation.

"What's wrong?" Riker instantly dropped everything at his desk at my voice. His gaze told me nothing else mattered when he stood up and started to make his way towards me. There was worry there as he looked me over almost like he was making sure I was still in one piece.

"Holly." There was a pause before I went on letting the name sink in. "I fucked up." My voice was rushed as I spoke it was like all logic left my head. What came out of my mouth next I didn't even know I had thought about saying to him but it all just came rushing out. "She got to me I watched how Jessica fell into her trap. I knew I needed to do something but Holly just gets to me you know and I rushed into it. It was something that had been on my mind for a while but I knew I didn't have all the pieces to put it into place. Watching her though with that knowing look, like she knew everything she needed to know about you pushed me over a edge I didn't even know I had. I don't know-"

"Lyra, calm down." He rested his hands on my shoulders looking at me with that reassuring look. I don't know why the fuck he looked so calm, Holly could legit pull the rug out from under us and it was all my fault.

I can't believe it was me who would fuck this all up. That was normally Damon's role out of us two siblings.

"No, listen to me Riker. She can legit fuck everything up-" but he cut me off once more. His voice calming and it pulled me instantly to the vibes he was giving off. He didn't seem annoyed at all more knowing if anything.

"I already know Princess." Riker pulled me close to him wrapping me in his arms. Instantly I felt my heart rate calm and my thoughts go back to normal just at his simple touch that always made me think straight again. "When you came home the other day after that interview. The way you seemed so on edge and in your own head I knew something was up so I asked Jessica. I asked her because I knew you probably wouldn't even register that I was talking to you. I know what you can get like when your like that."

"Jessica?" I had made Jessica promise not to tell anyone about what went down but of course I should've known she wouldn't have kept that promise if her brother asked. I probably would've told my brothers to if they asked. There was loyalty in family when you came from one like ours.

I wasn't annoyed at her I never could be. She did what I probably would've done.

"She told me what went down and I already knew letting you go in there with Holly was a dangerous thing. She gets under your skin for what ever reason and I've known that from day one."