Catch 22 - JJK (21+)

Chapter 16 - Happy (part 2)

ARIA

"Aria, please?"

Siwon reached for my hand, stopping me as I walked past him on my way to the front door, but I yanked my hand away.

"No Siwon! We're wasting each other's time. I'm not in my twenties anymore, so if I'm going to be in a relationship at this point in my life, it needs to be going somewhere, and this shit that you and I have going on is clearly not."

"But it is going somewhere. I plan to marry you someday. Work is just... crazy right now," he sighed, dropping his face into his palm.

"Okay, let's take work out of the equation and be completely honest with ourselves and each other for a moment. Do you truly believe we have a connection?

"Yes, I do."

"Are you serious?" I laughed because honestly, I couldn't help it. I really didn't think it was funny necessarily.  It was more sarcasm than anything. "We are eight months into this so-called relationship, and we have been in the friend zone the entire time. Let's just be real."

I could feel myself getting worked up again, so I took another deep calming breath before continuing.

"Okay look, I know we've known each other for a long time and our families are close and there has been a tremendous amount of pressure on us from both sides to be together, but we both know there's only ever been platonic feelings between the two of us.

We've been trying to force something that isn't real to please our parents, and I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore. It's time to tell them that we gave it our best effort and it's simply not working."

"But I believe we can try harder. We were happy in the beginning, don't you remember? I think we just need to spend more time together. I can talk to my dad. Maybe we can figure out a way to delegate some of my responsibilities, so I can be home more."

His eyes were hopeful, and I hated to burst his bubble, but there was nothing left to salvage of this relationship.

"For what, Siwon? Even when you're home, we hardly talk. We rarely have sex. There's no fire, no passion. There never was, not even in the beginning. You may have been happy, but to me it's always felt like we've just been going through the motions. Is that what you really want for the rest of your life? Cus I know it's not what I want."

"But we can work on all of that. I care about you, and I really want to try to make this work."

"And see? That's the problem. I don't want to be with someone who only cares about me or that I have to 'work on' building passion with this early in a relationship. Chemistry is one of those things you either have or you don't, and unfortunately, we just don't. I mean, seriously, we have known each other pretty much our whole lives, and we haven't even grown past the 'care' phase. That's not good enough for me."

"We can learn to love each other... the same way my parents did if you were just willing to try, Aria."

"Learn to love each other?!"

I knew it was rude of me, and I felt so bad that I kept laughing in his face. He looked so hurt and dejected, but what he was saying sounded absolutely ludicrous to me.

"Your parents didn't have a choice. They were in an arranged marriage. We have a choice, and this may sound cliché, but I want to be with someone who adores me, who is crazy about me and who can't stand to be away from me. Someone who will move heaven and earth if they have to just to be with me. We don't have anything remotely close to that.

Siwon, I want the butterflies and the fireworks and the happily ever after because that is what I deserve. I'm not willing to settle anymore, and you shouldn't be either.