Catch 22 - JJK (21+)

Chapter 5 - Freedom

JUNGKOOK

Wait... I had to be hearing things. I didn't even realize Dr. Taylor knew my first name, and why did it have to sound so damn sweet on her lips?

Anytime she'd ever addressed me, it was always either stern or snide, so hearing the dulcet tone in which she uttered my name that day was completely unexpected and disarming. It wasn't something I was familiar with, but it was definitely something I could get used to.

When I'd turned to face her, the look in her emerald green eyes was warm, endearing, and dare I say it... motherly, and for the very first time ever in her presence, I'd felt seen, heard, acknowledged, and even more shockingly, accepted.

As I tried to swallow the huge lump forming in my throat, I could feel my eyes welling with unwelcome tears due to the confusing array of emotions that had been tormenting me for weeks. I was so fucking tired of crying, and I damn sure wasn't about to let her see it. There was no way I could have a conversation with her like this. I needed to get my shit together first.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." I adjusted my backpack on my shoulder and turned to leave, but before I'd even finished my sentence, she was on her feet and had made her way around her desk to me.

"Listen... you don't have to go, and you don't have to apologize. You're not bothering me. You can say whatever you feel you need to say, and I'll be here to listen, without judgment. I can tell that whatever you're going through has been extremely difficult for you, and I want to help in any way I can."

Dr. Taylor spoke tenderly, her voice hushed and captivating, rendering me speechless. I kinda felt stupid just standing there, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, the words simply eluded me as I tried to make sense of her words and actions in my mind.

Who was this person?  She looked the same on the outside for the most part, but there was a kindness and a sensitivity to her that I had no idea even existed. Not only did it make my heart race, but it was exactly what I needed in that moment. Her words instantly sobered, making me feel like I'd finally found the one person I could confide in.

Interestingly, it was the complete opposite of what had led me to Dr. Taylor in the first place.  Since I didn't know her well, and as far as I knew, she hated me, I found her to be a safe choice because I knew she would be completely unattached. With her, I felt like I could get what I needed to off my chest and get help with my plummeting grades without someone hovering me afterwards like the guys would have done. Plus, she had been nice enough lately for me to let my guard down, at least a little.

As I sat down and placed my backpack on the floor next to my chair, I took a deep breath which calmed me and allowed me to keep my tears at bay. It took a moment for me to gather my thoughts, but she waited patiently, smiling slightly when I looked up at her. 

"If it's okay with you, I'll close the door to allow you some privacy, so you can feel free to speak candidly."

She must have known what I had to say was going to be heavy, and I appreciated her intuitiveness. I nodded in approval as I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and took another deep breath in an attempt to settle my nervous stomach. Once she'd closed the door and was seated in front of me, I just let it all out.

"I- I feel like... I don't know... like my life is falling apart, and I don't know what to do. If I keep going like this, I'm afraid I won't be able to graduate."

"Don't worry about that.  There's still plenty of time for you to get your grades back up so you can graduate, if you're willing to do the work."