Empty- Girl Meets World

•eighteen

"I think the reason why most people like sleep is because when you're sleeping, you don't feel sad. You don't feel alone, you don't feel worthless. You don't worry about what happens during the day. You don't feel anything and I think that's the greatest disadvantage because in that moment you're nothing."

•maya

I sat down in the cold grass and stared at the tombstone in front of me.

"Are you sure you want me to stay? I can go over there and sit on the bench," Lucas asked.

This morning I asked Lucas if he would come with me to the graveyard so I could visit my mom. I can't visit my mom without someone coming with me or I'll end up crying and never coming back.

I grabbed his arm, "No don't go. Can you just stay here with me."

"Of course," Lucas said.

I shifted back down in the grass and Lucas did the same.

"Is is okay if I say something to my mom?"

"Oh yeah. You don't have to ask, just go for it."

I couldn't think off the top of my head on what I wanted to tell her. I mean there were so many things I wanted to tell her, but how do you just express your feelings to someone who's gone.

"I'm sorry that I haven't seen out to see you in a while. Things just get so busy in California and I lose track of time. It's not really a good excuse, but it's the truth."

I felt bad knowing I hadn't been out here in a couple months and I still couldn't get out the right words.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled at Lucas, "I'm used to having Riley with me when I come out here. It's weird, because Riley actually knew my mom and now you're here and you never met her."

"You don't have to be sorry about anything, but can I ask you something?"

"How did my mom die?"

It was the one question that Farkle and Riley hadn't given Lucas the answer to.

"One night I snuck out to go meet some boy that I was into and I forgot that my mom was gonna be home that night. When she came home and I wasn't there, she went out looking for me."

I took a deep breath and tried sucking back all the tears that we're going to pour out of my eyes.

"When I got home the phone rang and my heart stopped. While my mom was out looking for me a deer ran out in front of her car and she swerved."

I took another breath in efforts to keep the tears back.

"She swerved into a tree, killing her on impact."

"Hey come here," Lucas said putting his arms out.

I basically collapsed into his arms and let the tears flow out.

-

I wasn't really sure what Maya would say to her mom so I kinda skipped that part. But you learn what happened to Maya's mother.