My Saviour

4

TW's this chapter:
-Anxiety
-Mentions self harm
-Depression

I went back home later on the day. I chilled with Dream for a long time. He basically told me his whole life and was fine with me almost not talking at all. He grew up in a family of 6. He had one brother and two sisters. His life had been alright, he only dropped out of collage and he had gone through some difficult times. He didn't really go in detail. I accepted that of course.

He told me he had a cat named Patches, but she was left behind in America. His YouTube channel was quickly growing and he was very proud of it. He was pretty smart, which you could quickly realise only by the way he talked. I guessed his IQ was very high. He basically asked himself over at my place tomorrow. I found it difficult, but inviting him over once wasn't too bad.

The day had exhausted me so much, I directly laid down in bed. I was too tired and I felt pretty depressed. I hated being so anxious all the time. I still didn't want to trust him, even though I felt so different around him. I felt more relaxed, but I still was anxious every second I was with him. He was going to betray me, he was too nice to be true. It just couldn't be true. Everyone betrayed me, everyone. He wasn't just being nice. Of course he wasn't. I just couldn't open up to him. Never.

I slowly started falling asleep, I was so exhausted. I didn't change clothes again, I didn't shower. I did nothing. I just threw my shoes in the closet and crawled in my bed. I didn't shower for maybe a week, I didn't even know anymore. I just couldn't bring myself up to do it. I almost didn't eat, I didn't do anything to take care of myself. "You neglect yourself" as Dream said. Was is that obvious?

One of the worst things about anxiety was that I just kept thinking. Thinking about everything I did or everything people did. I was constantly thinking and I was constantly making conspiracies in my head. I slept poorly, even though I was extremely exhausted, I thought for the first hours I laid down in bed. I skipped dinner again, which made my stomach hurt. I was hungry, but I couldn't get myself walking downstairs to prepare some food. 

I suddenly heard my phone ringing, Dream was calling me? I accepted the call, but stayed quiet.

'George, I was just checking on you.'

'Why?'

'Have you eaten already?'

'Meh.'

'I can order some pizza and come eat it with you?'

I wanted to say no, but my mouth thought different.

'Okay.'

I scratched my skin until it started bleeding. Why did I agree? Why? My head screamed louder and louder. I hated Clay, I didn't want him in my life. He ruined everything. Even though I found him so extremely kind. I wasn't allowed to find someone kind, I knew what was going to happen. Why would I even-

'I'll be there in a few minutes.'

'You have to get me out of bed first.'

'You're already in bed?'

'I'm in bed most of time.'

'That's not healthy.'

'I guess.'

'You need to exercise, eat regularly and stuff.'

'I'm fine.'

'Did you plan on eating something?'

'Didn't feel like it.'

'I already thought so, I'm on my way. I live just about ten minutes walking from you, but I'll take my car. I'll order pizza at your address.'

'No, don't do that, I don't want them to know my address.' I said it quicker than I thought about it.

'What? I mean, it doesn't matter, I'll wait at my place until they deliver it. I'll be a little later.'

'Okay, thanks.'

'Why do you- I don't care. It's fine. Be there in a few minutes.'

He hung up. I sighed, what did I get myself into. Now I had to go and eat pizza with that stupid idiot. I was almost sleeping. I wanted to step out of bed, but I still didn't feel like it.

I waited another 15 minutes when the doorbell rang. I climbed out of bed and walked slowly downstairs. I knew I was looking like a mess, but it didn't even matter to me anymore. I always looked like a mess. I walked through the living room. I looked through the window to make sure Dream was standing there and I opened it slowly after, checking one more time.

'It's me, Clay,' he said when he saw me checking.

I opened the door fully and let him go inside. I didn't clean the house for over a month, he would probably be disgusted.

'Sorry, it's a mess.'

'George?'

'What?'

'Are you okay, man?'

'Why?'

'You just- I'm concerned.'

I rolled my eyes. 'Nothing to worry about.'

'If you say so. Where can we eat?'

'I don't know, I normally eat in bed. I guess we can sit on the balcony outside.'

He looked at me worried, but nodded. 'Fine.' He looked around him one more time. 'Dang, this is bad.'

I shrugged. 'Nah.'

We went outside and I sat down. It was a little cold, but hot enough for not wearing a coat. I shivered a little when I felt a cold wind on my skin.

'Are you cold?'

'A little.'

'Do you want my jacket?'

'It's alright.'

'No, I'll give you my jacket.'

He gave me a blue thing that I would call a coat and forced me in putting it on. I did what he said and I smelled his amazing scent. I was glad I put it on, I loved his scent. He smiled at me, it made me smiled too. Why did he make me so comfortable?

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